Crossover Chick (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
crossover_chick) wrote2012-05-24 06:41 pm
crossover_chick) wrote2012-05-24 06:41 pm
Entry tags:
So -- Who Wants To Read Something Early?
I actually finished "Losing You" the other day -- I think that's the quickest I've ever written a chapter story, even one as short as this. I'd like to get another pair of eyes on it before I start posting it up at FF.net, so. . .you guys want to look at it, tell me if it works or not? Here's Chapter One, which is basically "what happened immediately after the movie ended:"
Chapter 1
January 27th, 1875
Burtonsville, England
8:59 P.M.
The last of the butterflies gradually vanished from view. Victor and Victoria remained where they were for a long moment, gazing up at the moon in silence. Finally Victor whispered, “Goodbye Emily.”
Victoria looked up at him, then back at the moon. “Goodbye Emily,” she echoed. “And thank you.”
There was a dry cough from behind them. The couple turned to find Elder Gutknecht standing there, holding the bottle of poison and the goblet. “Well, my boy,” he said, “it appears you still have a few years left in this world.”
Victor smiled. “I do.” The smile faded. “Is she – I mean, what just happened – I want to be sure--”
“She’s happy,” Elder Gutknecht told him. “A full explanation would take more time than I have, and I’m not sure it was ever meant for mortal ears. But she’s free now – she’s seen her murder avenged, and, more importantly, she’s learned that love really does exist. The poor girl has had her doubts over the years.”
“I’m sure she has,” Victoria said, frowning in sympathy. “Poor Emily. . .the look on her face when she saw Lord Barkis – what will happen to him, by the way?”
Elder Gutknecht was a skeleton, and thus couldn’t really change his facial expression. Yet Victor was sure his permanent grin became more of a smirk for a moment. “He’s not going to enjoy his afterlife as much as we have, I can assure you of that.”
Victor nodded, scowling. It wasn’t in his nature to hate, but the revelation of what Barkis had done – along with his gut feeling that what had happened to Emily was undoubtably what had been going to happen to Victoria – made him go against the grain. “Good.”
“Yes,” Victoria said, eyes narrowing. “I hope he has a lot of time to think about how he’s hurt others. As unladylike as that may sound,” she amended, suddenly looking a bit embarrassed.
Elder Gutknecht chuckled. “I won’t tell anyone.” He nodded at them. “I wish you both all the best.”
“Thank you kindly, Elder Gutknecht,” Victor said, smiling at the old skeleton. He’d become oddly fond of the fellow during his time in the afterlife. Well, he’d become fond of all of them, really – everyone was just so welcoming and friendly. He was honestly a little sorry to see them go. “May we all meet again someday.”
“You can be sure of that. Enjoy your life, Victor.” He nodded again to Victoria, who dropped a polite curtsy. Then he turned and hobbled his way to the door at the back of the church. Green light spilled out as he opened it. Then he was through, the door was shut, and Victor knew if he opened it, all he would find was Pastor Galswells’s personal quarters.
Victoria looked at the door for a long moment. “It doesn’t feel real, does it?” she said suddenly. “I feel like any moment now I’m going to wake up and it’ll all have been a fantastic dream.”
Victor nodded. He’d felt that way multiple times throughout his adventure. “I am half-expecting to turn around and suddenly find myself on the floor of my bedroom after rolling out of bed,” he agreed with a chuckle.
The few remaining people in the pews were filing out now, apparently ready to leave all this strangeness behind and get on with their normal lives. Hildegarde made her slow way up to them. “Miss Victoria, we must get home,” she said, wringing her hands. “Your parents must be in a frightful state.”
“Yes, that’s true,” Victoria said, grimacing. “They did not take seeing Great-Grandfather Everglot well at all. I have to go home and let them know everything’s back to normal.”
“May I accompany you?” Victor asked, not ready to see her leave just yet. After all, he’d spent most of the day convinced he’d lost her forever to another man. “S-surely it isn’t right to let two w-women go out walking alone at this time of night.”
Victoria smiled up at him. “I’d like that. And besides, you need to tell me everything that happened. How you met Emily, and why you decided to marry her.”
“We’ll need to walk slow, then,” Victor said, offering his arm. Victoria took it, and extended her own arm for Hildegarde to lean on. “It’s quite the tale. . . .”
He told them the whole story as they made their way back to the Everglot mansion, from feeling humiliated on the bridge after the disastrous rehearsal to deciding to give Emily the wedding she’d always dreamed of. The two women listened to him intently as he spoke. Almost too intently, Victor thought – he rather wished Victoria would speak when he talked about receiving Scraps, or watching Emily dance in the moonlight, or the piano duet. Her expression during those moments was hard to read. Not angry, he could tell that much, but very thoughtful. Which was almost worse. “And then – w-well, you were there, I think, you s-saw us start to exchange our vows. . .and then Barkis a-arrived, and you know everything from that point,” he finished, his free hand playing a little with his tie.
Victoria nodded, still looking thoughtful. “You quite cared for her, didn’t you?” she asked. “When she dragged you out of my bedroom into the night, I almost thought you’d been captured by a demon – but it wasn’t like that at all, was it?”
“No,” Victor confirmed. “That m-mess was really all my fault. I should have told her about you, about the arranged marriage, from the start. But at first I was too much in shock, still t-trying to figure out what was going on – and then, after the song, after h-hearing what happened to her. . .I was trying d-desperately to find a way to explain things that wouldn’t completely b-break her heart. That didn’t g-go well at all, of course. . . .” He sighed, feeling another stab of guilt for the way things had gone in Victoria’s bedroom and Elder Gutknecht’s tower. How could he have been so callous, so cruel? He was beyond lucky she’d been willing to forgive him. “B-but yes, I did care for her. She really w-was a nice person, Victoria. I – I r-rather wish you had gotten to know her better. Under d-different circumstances, I think you might have liked her.”
“So do I,” Victoria agreed softly. “I feel rather guilty about thinking her evil now. From what I saw in the church, she was a truly lovely person. Who didn’t deserve what happened to her in the slightest.” She looked up at the moon. “I hope she’s at peace now.”
“Elder Gutknecht seemed to think she is,” Victor said. “And I’d trust him on these matters. He knows much more than we do about how it all works.”
“I’m sure he does.” Victoria patted his arm. “And I’m sure it’s all worked out for the best.”
Victor smiled at her. “Me too.”
Victoria smiled back – then noticed they were standing in front of the doors to her house and sighed. “Oh dear. I am not looking forward to this.”
“Should I c-come in?” Victor asked, not sure if he wanted Victoria to say yes or not. On the one hand, he’d have more time with Victoria. On the other – he’d have to face her parents. “T-try to explain myself?”
Hildegarde shook her head. “I don’t think that would be a good idea, Master Van Dort. They’re not exactly fond of you at the moment.”
“I have to agree – Father would probably just call for his musket and not listen to a word you say,” Victoria said, making a face just thinking about it. “Let me have the night to calm them down, then tomorrow you can come over and we can all talk about this civilly.”
“All right,” Victor said, quietly relieved he did not have to see the disapproving glares of the Everglots again. “I s-suppose this is where we part, then.”
Victoria nodded, slipping her arm out of his. “I’ll see you in the morning,” she said. “Hopefully things will be better by then.”
Victor nodded back. “I wish you luck in talking to your parents.” You’re probably going to need it.
“Thank you – I’ll need as much as I can get,” Victoria replied, echoing his thought. “Sleep well.” She gave him a warm smile. “We’ll be together again very soon.”
That was just what he needed to hear. Victor smiled back. “A good night to you, Victoria. And you too, Miss Hildegarde.”
“Thank you, Master Van Dort,” Hildegarde said, giving his arm a fond pat. “Good night.”
“Good night,” Victoria said, reaching out and giving his hand a squeeze. Then she took a deep breath, opened the door, and marched in, obviously wanting to get her talk with her parents over with as soon as possible. Hildegarde followed her, giving Victor one last smile before closing the door behind her.
Victor lingered on the doorstep a moment, assuring himself that Victoria was safe inside and that she was no longer in danger from Bluebeard-like monsters. Then all the exhaustion and hunger and other unpleasant emotions he’d been doing his best to keep at bay finally caught up with him. Suddenly, the only things he wanted in the world were something to fill his belly and someplace to sleep, not necessarily in that order. He dragged himself across the square to his own house and opened the door.
It was quiet and dark inside. Victor fumbled around until he managed to light the candle kept by the door. Now where were his parents? The servants’ absence he could excuse – they were probably still in a tizzy from what had just happened. But his mother and father seemed to have vanished off the face of the earth. What could have happened to them? The only thing he was certain of was that they were not dead – otherwise, he would have seen them Below. I should have asked Mayhew when I had the chance.
Right now, though, he was far too exhausted to ponder the question for long. He made his way up to his room by the flickering flame of the candle. He took a moment to soak in the calming familiarity of it all – the pictures on the walls, the desk in front of the window, the metal-framed bed taking up much of the floor. Then he set the candle on his nightstand, took off his shoes, and flopped over onto his bed without even undressing. Within moments, he’d fallen asleep.
Yeah, I know I usually write Victor as an insomniac, but I figure I can give him a break when he's clearly been through quite the exhausting ordeal. Anyway, tell me what you think!
January 27th, 1875
Burtonsville, England
8:59 P.M.
The last of the butterflies gradually vanished from view. Victor and Victoria remained where they were for a long moment, gazing up at the moon in silence. Finally Victor whispered, “Goodbye Emily.”
Victoria looked up at him, then back at the moon. “Goodbye Emily,” she echoed. “And thank you.”
There was a dry cough from behind them. The couple turned to find Elder Gutknecht standing there, holding the bottle of poison and the goblet. “Well, my boy,” he said, “it appears you still have a few years left in this world.”
Victor smiled. “I do.” The smile faded. “Is she – I mean, what just happened – I want to be sure--”
“She’s happy,” Elder Gutknecht told him. “A full explanation would take more time than I have, and I’m not sure it was ever meant for mortal ears. But she’s free now – she’s seen her murder avenged, and, more importantly, she’s learned that love really does exist. The poor girl has had her doubts over the years.”
“I’m sure she has,” Victoria said, frowning in sympathy. “Poor Emily. . .the look on her face when she saw Lord Barkis – what will happen to him, by the way?”
Elder Gutknecht was a skeleton, and thus couldn’t really change his facial expression. Yet Victor was sure his permanent grin became more of a smirk for a moment. “He’s not going to enjoy his afterlife as much as we have, I can assure you of that.”
Victor nodded, scowling. It wasn’t in his nature to hate, but the revelation of what Barkis had done – along with his gut feeling that what had happened to Emily was undoubtably what had been going to happen to Victoria – made him go against the grain. “Good.”
“Yes,” Victoria said, eyes narrowing. “I hope he has a lot of time to think about how he’s hurt others. As unladylike as that may sound,” she amended, suddenly looking a bit embarrassed.
Elder Gutknecht chuckled. “I won’t tell anyone.” He nodded at them. “I wish you both all the best.”
“Thank you kindly, Elder Gutknecht,” Victor said, smiling at the old skeleton. He’d become oddly fond of the fellow during his time in the afterlife. Well, he’d become fond of all of them, really – everyone was just so welcoming and friendly. He was honestly a little sorry to see them go. “May we all meet again someday.”
“You can be sure of that. Enjoy your life, Victor.” He nodded again to Victoria, who dropped a polite curtsy. Then he turned and hobbled his way to the door at the back of the church. Green light spilled out as he opened it. Then he was through, the door was shut, and Victor knew if he opened it, all he would find was Pastor Galswells’s personal quarters.
Victoria looked at the door for a long moment. “It doesn’t feel real, does it?” she said suddenly. “I feel like any moment now I’m going to wake up and it’ll all have been a fantastic dream.”
Victor nodded. He’d felt that way multiple times throughout his adventure. “I am half-expecting to turn around and suddenly find myself on the floor of my bedroom after rolling out of bed,” he agreed with a chuckle.
The few remaining people in the pews were filing out now, apparently ready to leave all this strangeness behind and get on with their normal lives. Hildegarde made her slow way up to them. “Miss Victoria, we must get home,” she said, wringing her hands. “Your parents must be in a frightful state.”
“Yes, that’s true,” Victoria said, grimacing. “They did not take seeing Great-Grandfather Everglot well at all. I have to go home and let them know everything’s back to normal.”
“May I accompany you?” Victor asked, not ready to see her leave just yet. After all, he’d spent most of the day convinced he’d lost her forever to another man. “S-surely it isn’t right to let two w-women go out walking alone at this time of night.”
Victoria smiled up at him. “I’d like that. And besides, you need to tell me everything that happened. How you met Emily, and why you decided to marry her.”
“We’ll need to walk slow, then,” Victor said, offering his arm. Victoria took it, and extended her own arm for Hildegarde to lean on. “It’s quite the tale. . . .”
He told them the whole story as they made their way back to the Everglot mansion, from feeling humiliated on the bridge after the disastrous rehearsal to deciding to give Emily the wedding she’d always dreamed of. The two women listened to him intently as he spoke. Almost too intently, Victor thought – he rather wished Victoria would speak when he talked about receiving Scraps, or watching Emily dance in the moonlight, or the piano duet. Her expression during those moments was hard to read. Not angry, he could tell that much, but very thoughtful. Which was almost worse. “And then – w-well, you were there, I think, you s-saw us start to exchange our vows. . .and then Barkis a-arrived, and you know everything from that point,” he finished, his free hand playing a little with his tie.
Victoria nodded, still looking thoughtful. “You quite cared for her, didn’t you?” she asked. “When she dragged you out of my bedroom into the night, I almost thought you’d been captured by a demon – but it wasn’t like that at all, was it?”
“No,” Victor confirmed. “That m-mess was really all my fault. I should have told her about you, about the arranged marriage, from the start. But at first I was too much in shock, still t-trying to figure out what was going on – and then, after the song, after h-hearing what happened to her. . .I was trying d-desperately to find a way to explain things that wouldn’t completely b-break her heart. That didn’t g-go well at all, of course. . . .” He sighed, feeling another stab of guilt for the way things had gone in Victoria’s bedroom and Elder Gutknecht’s tower. How could he have been so callous, so cruel? He was beyond lucky she’d been willing to forgive him. “B-but yes, I did care for her. She really w-was a nice person, Victoria. I – I r-rather wish you had gotten to know her better. Under d-different circumstances, I think you might have liked her.”
“So do I,” Victoria agreed softly. “I feel rather guilty about thinking her evil now. From what I saw in the church, she was a truly lovely person. Who didn’t deserve what happened to her in the slightest.” She looked up at the moon. “I hope she’s at peace now.”
“Elder Gutknecht seemed to think she is,” Victor said. “And I’d trust him on these matters. He knows much more than we do about how it all works.”
“I’m sure he does.” Victoria patted his arm. “And I’m sure it’s all worked out for the best.”
Victor smiled at her. “Me too.”
Victoria smiled back – then noticed they were standing in front of the doors to her house and sighed. “Oh dear. I am not looking forward to this.”
“Should I c-come in?” Victor asked, not sure if he wanted Victoria to say yes or not. On the one hand, he’d have more time with Victoria. On the other – he’d have to face her parents. “T-try to explain myself?”
Hildegarde shook her head. “I don’t think that would be a good idea, Master Van Dort. They’re not exactly fond of you at the moment.”
“I have to agree – Father would probably just call for his musket and not listen to a word you say,” Victoria said, making a face just thinking about it. “Let me have the night to calm them down, then tomorrow you can come over and we can all talk about this civilly.”
“All right,” Victor said, quietly relieved he did not have to see the disapproving glares of the Everglots again. “I s-suppose this is where we part, then.”
Victoria nodded, slipping her arm out of his. “I’ll see you in the morning,” she said. “Hopefully things will be better by then.”
Victor nodded back. “I wish you luck in talking to your parents.” You’re probably going to need it.
“Thank you – I’ll need as much as I can get,” Victoria replied, echoing his thought. “Sleep well.” She gave him a warm smile. “We’ll be together again very soon.”
That was just what he needed to hear. Victor smiled back. “A good night to you, Victoria. And you too, Miss Hildegarde.”
“Thank you, Master Van Dort,” Hildegarde said, giving his arm a fond pat. “Good night.”
“Good night,” Victoria said, reaching out and giving his hand a squeeze. Then she took a deep breath, opened the door, and marched in, obviously wanting to get her talk with her parents over with as soon as possible. Hildegarde followed her, giving Victor one last smile before closing the door behind her.
Victor lingered on the doorstep a moment, assuring himself that Victoria was safe inside and that she was no longer in danger from Bluebeard-like monsters. Then all the exhaustion and hunger and other unpleasant emotions he’d been doing his best to keep at bay finally caught up with him. Suddenly, the only things he wanted in the world were something to fill his belly and someplace to sleep, not necessarily in that order. He dragged himself across the square to his own house and opened the door.
It was quiet and dark inside. Victor fumbled around until he managed to light the candle kept by the door. Now where were his parents? The servants’ absence he could excuse – they were probably still in a tizzy from what had just happened. But his mother and father seemed to have vanished off the face of the earth. What could have happened to them? The only thing he was certain of was that they were not dead – otherwise, he would have seen them Below. I should have asked Mayhew when I had the chance.
Right now, though, he was far too exhausted to ponder the question for long. He made his way up to his room by the flickering flame of the candle. He took a moment to soak in the calming familiarity of it all – the pictures on the walls, the desk in front of the window, the metal-framed bed taking up much of the floor. Then he set the candle on his nightstand, took off his shoes, and flopped over onto his bed without even undressing. Within moments, he’d fallen asleep.
Yeah, I know I usually write Victor as an insomniac, but I figure I can give him a break when he's clearly been through quite the exhausting ordeal. Anyway, tell me what you think!
no subject
or four or fivebefore I make real judgement. XD