Rather Nice May Day
May. 1st, 2026 11:42 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
crossover_chickThe weather was pretty good -- mostly sunny and in the 60s; Dad got a good report from the doctors today when he got his immunotherapy (the tumors have shrunk a lot...though he's got some shit going on with his neck that nobody can figure out, to everyone's frustration); and -- despite my period attempting to fuck with my brain -- I accomplished pretty much everything I wanted to get done:
Tumblr: Well, I technically had something going on on both my tumblrs today, but I wasn’t able to get to the ask over on Valice Multiverse in time – it’s just going to have to wait until tomorrow. However, over on Victor Luvs Alice (N Smiler), I got some stuff done – specifically, I spent the time before lunch working on the “Valicer In The Dark Meets Baldur’s Gate III Not-Incorrect Quotes/Shitpost Collection Volume 3” post in my drafts! Because, well, I’d like to finish it sometime this century. XD Today’s edits consisted of:
A) Revising the “Smiler tells Shadowheart never to tell Alice about Sharrans willingly giving up their memories in worship of their goddess” scene! Because when I watched a video showing off Shadowheart telling a Tav about Shar worship (mentioned way down below in the “YouTube” section), I discovered that Shadowheart never actually mentions Sharrans giving up their memories as worship, as I had her say in the original scene. The new version instead has Smiler spot the line about a Sharran Cleric willingly giving up her memories in the book “The Unclaimed” (which details how that same cleric was never actually claimed by Shar to join her in the afterlife when she died), ask Shadowheart about it – and, when she confirmed that some Sharrans do indeed wipe their minds as a sign of devotion, then telling her that Alice can never learn that or she’d try to kill Shar. :p (Honestly, I think we should let Alice have a crack at the goddess – badass as she is, she’d probably WIN.)
B) Writing up a scene where the Valicer trio smell something roasting in the tiefling camp, which Wyll confirms is rat – and getting super excited because they’ve missed a good rat skewer (with Alice admitting she’d started to think of Mr. Dibbler’s fare fondly). Cue an astonished Astarion being like “you ENJOY eating rat??” –
And Smiler telling him that rat is a pretty staple part of the Duskwallian diet, because “we don’t have these ‘cows’ you have, remember?” Astarion admitted he’d forgotten how weird their world was for a moment, and Alice told him, “If you think eating rat is weird, remind us to tell you about surprise loaf sometime.” XD I REALLY wanted to do a scene with the gang weirding at least one of the native BG3ers out with their love of eating rat, and this was the best way I could think of to do it! (Especially since I’m pretty sure Astarion in particular would associate having to eat – or, in his case, drink – rats with being at a low point in your life…)
C) Revising the scene where Victor ends up saving not only Mirkon, but Alice and Smiler (and the rest of the struggling party) from the Harpies’ song by unleashing his own Leviathan-summoning song on them – this one didn’t see any major changes, I just tweaked things to flow better and added in a few more lines to really sell that poor Victor was the only one who was fully unaffected by the Harpy’s magic music...and to emphasize how ANGRY he was when he decided to show the Harpies how it felt to have someone sing a deadly song at you. Because this is DEFINITELY set after he nearly got lured off a dock by a leviathan in my head. The scene ends on a funny note (with Gale asking Wyll if that was Hadar, and Wyll emphatically replying “NO IT WAS NOT”), but I can assure you Victor has a breakdown immediately afterward!
D) And making one small change to the “Smiler asks Wyll about false eye care” after confirming I’d gotten the one canonical Wyll line I slipped in wrong – he welcomes Tavs who got an eye surgery to the “League of the Lone Eye,” not the “League of the One Eye” like I originally wrote. Gotta keep things accurate!
So that was good! Still gotta write up the scene where Smiler discovers their Volo-granted false eye can see invisible creatures, and revise the one where Smiler tells the Emperor “we don’t need you to channel the power of the Netherstones – we have Us,” but some solid progress was made today, hooray.
...and I'm sorry, the rest of it is going to have to be posted tomorrow, because it is 1:45 AM here and I am tired. *shakehead* It's frustrating, sometimes, how long it takes to write everything up... Though I'm almost done with both the BG3 session (short version: Karlach recruited, but my poor sense of direction meant no Paladin fight) and the writing session (short version: Slugs taken care of, gang looking for final tripwire). Just didn't have time to finish them because I was trying to juggle other things too! At least my goals for tomorrow are simple -- clean my room and catch up on some videos I want to watch (including the OXBox list, that bartender making Nuka-Cola, and -- if it's up -- the next CaFae Latte compilation). Night all! EDIT 5/2/2026: Okay, I'm rested and ready to finish this thing off -- here's the rest of what I did yesterday:
Writing: Did another page of edits on Chapter 5 of “The Van Dort Vacancy” after lunch, as I indicated I would – today’s editing session featured –
A) Kasimir thanking Victor for getting Slugs to back down, then asking him if there were any more clockwork men they had to worry about, because if so he really wanted to know now rather than later – Victor assured him there weren’t, then apologized for not saying anything sooner, stating simply that it’s been – such a day. Kasimir allowed that he had asked Victor to hold off until they were past the mosaic, and that he hadn’t expected to fall either, as he was normally better at prowling (a nod to the fact that, despite having the best Prowl dice and leading the group action, he actually was one of the two people who failed the roll – the other being Smiler, hence why Smiler got dragged down with him when he fell) – Smiler kindly reminded him that he was working under unusual circumstances with a bum leg, so they could forgive him for having an accident.
B) Smiler then asking Victor what was the next trap they had to avoid, and Victor explaining that it was another tripwire – which, happily, was the last trap they needed to get past, but, unhappily, was as hard to spot as the first one AND was in a different place to trip up thieves who thought they had the measure of the place. An annoyed Kasimir asked if he could find it without setting it off, prompting Victor to get down on his hands and knees to try – though he admitted he’d need a minute, as he wasn’t 100% sure where it was (with Alice noting that it being darker down this end of the hallway couldn’t help in that regard, and asking if the dim light was a deliberate measure to trip up thieves or just his parents being cheap when it came to the lights – Victor’s answer was “yes”). Which then inspired him to ask how long they’d been in the hallway, as he didn’t know how long slumber essence lasts and didn’t want the guards outside waking up mid-search. Fortunately, Smiler, resident alchemist, was able to assure him that the guards wouldn’t be waking up for a WHILE, as slumber essence is strong stuff and only gets stronger when mixed with other intoxicants –
And, being a helpful sort, was also only too happy to get down on their hands and knees too to help him find the damn wire. Alice also joined them in their crawl, while Kasimir and Barnaby demurred, as they were both done with crouching for the moment – Kasimir on account of his knee, and Barnaby because he’d already ruined the pleats in his trousers. XD Alice told Barnaby to keep an eye out for trouble instead, then, causing him to be like “you’re ordering me around? I could make your life very hard if I wanted to, you know!” –
And then Alice called his bluff by asking if he ACTUALLY wanted to do that, and he admitted he actually didn’t care that much, because he was too rich for what the lower classes thought of him to matter. Alice very reluctantly allowed that was probably true. XD Oh Barnaby, you’re such a dick…
C) And Alice asking what would happen if someone did spot them down there, and Kasimir revealing he actually had something for that eventuality – a smoke bomb that Edvard had worked up for him! A simple gray sphere covered in holes that, when smashed on the ground, filled the area with smoke. Barnaby instantly objected to Kasimir using this anywhere near him on the basis that it would smell absolutely awful, while Alice pointed out the more relevant problem of “if the hallway ends up full of smoke, we won’t be able to see the traps we need to avoid.” Victor agreed with her and asked Kasimir to hold onto that for an emergency, which Kasimir slightly reluctantly did.
Nice – feels good to keep making progress on this! Next time, we’ll get the gang over the tripwire and to the door into the actual vault...which will have one final surprise for them that really shouldn’t be a surprise…
Baldur’s Gate III: I returned to the Risen Road of Faerûn today, as I said I would last night – and I am pleased to state that Smiler did indeed recruit themselves a Karlach! :D Though I was unable to face off against the fake Paladins of Tyr pursuing her, as I’d also hoped to do, because I was once again betrayed by my utter lack of a sense of direction and inability to properly read map markers. ^^; Ah well – got a lot of good dialogue out of the party, at least! Here, let me tell you all about it –
A) I picked up right where I’d left off last time, with the gang finally within sight of Karlach, huddling on her little patch of rock down, down, down by the river. :p Naturally, Priority Number One was finally adding her to the party, so I had Smiler and company proceed down the little hill and around to the log bridge leading to her tiny island ledge – stopping briefly along the way to pick up some mergrass growing by the river bank, 3 gold out of a pile of bones next to a blood puddle at the bottom of the hill, and some more mergrass and belladonna growing by the bridge itself. Because collecting goodies is always Priority Naught-Point-Five. :p Anyway, once their new plants were safely stored away in their alchemy pouch, Smiler then headed across the bridge to Karlach to trigger her recruitment cutscene –
Which in turn triggered Wyll to take the lead as the party approached her, taking in her appearance as she struggled to get her engine under control and declaring “One horn. The stink of Avernus. Advocatus diaboli.” Karlach, hearing this, stood up and responded in turn, “Well, I’ll be godsdamned – the Blade of Frontiers. Thought I’d shaken you for good. That’ll teach me to underestimate you.” Smiler confirmed that she was “the devil we’ve been hunting. Karlach, right?” (because they’re polite and the other options seemed a little too mean) – she told them, “Bloody right. An honor to be chased by the Blade of Frontiers. But–”
And cue her tadpole reaching out to the others and linking her brain to the rest of the party’s, as per usual! Smiler felt her heat course through them, “fiery as the Hells, and was overtaken by “visions of demonic armies as you tear through a landscape of fire and blood” as they writhed around rather overdramatically, clutching at the air next to their head (sorry, no screenshots, I was too busy being amused at how silly it all looked). The Narrator confirmed that these were images from the Blood War they’d briefly glimpsed while clambering around the Nautiloid back in the prologue, proving that Karlach had been on the front line. A startled Karlach, unused to The Tadpoles Wanting To Chat, blurted “What was that?!” –
Prompting Wyll to pull his rapier and declare it to be “Evidence. Proof you’re a devil, a gladiator in the archdevil Zariel’s army.” Oh dear. *grimace* Karlach tried to calm him down, telling him, “I can explain. But it’s a whole situation. If you’d just hear me out–”
And her tadpole decided her trying to explain normally would take too long and inflicted another vision on everyone – this time of her hacking her way through the servants of Zariel as she desperately sought for an escape. Smiler felt her rage and desperation fill them as the Narrator confirmed what they’d started to suspect: “She is a victim of the Blood War, not an agent of it.” Wyll, shaken, promptly claimed “She’s trying to trick us. Don’t believe her lies,” but Karlach insisted that what they’d seen was the truth – “I never wanted to serve Zariel. I was enlisted in her army against my will. Forced to fight, and fight I did. When I saw an opportunity to get away, I took it. I’m finally home – or near it, anyway.” Wyll refused to lower his sword, however, snapping that “You served her. That’s enough to damn you” –
Fortunately, Smiler was there to tell him, “Stand down, Wyll. You saw what I saw,” before he made a stupid mistake. A successful passive Perception check allowed them to spot him catch his breath, face briefly twisted by dread, before he came at them with “You don’t know what you’re saying. You’re asking me to trust a devil.” Smiler, however, was not to be daunted, reminding him, “You saw her thoughts. She poses no danger to the Sword Coast.” Karlach then pleaded with him, “You know monsters, right? Better than anyone. Look into my eyes. Can’t you see I’m not what you think?” Wyll indeed met her gaze head on –
And after a moment, said “Shit” and sheathed his sword, admitting, “You really are no devil, are you? I’ve...I’ve been deceived.” A relieved Karlach went, “Thank the gods. Thought I was going to have to take your head” – an amused Wyll replied, “You would’ve died in the attempt. But – there have been enough threats today” and accepted a truce from his former enemy. :) And from that moment on, they were besties. (No, seriously – look up Wyll and Karlach’s interactions together, and you’ll see they go ride or die for each other almost IMMEDIATELY after this moment. I read some of their banter this morning while working on my “Valicer In The Dark Meets Baldur’s Gate III Not-Incorrect Quotes/Shitpost Collection Volume 3” post on tumblr, and – cripes, I am surprised Karlach isn’t a canonical exception to Wyll’s monogamy when you romance him. XD)
B) With the threat of unnecessary violence over, it was time for everyone to get acquainted! Karlach formally introduced herself, and Smiler told her their name in turn – she greeted them with a warm, “Well met, soldier. Nice to meet a friendly face around here – it’s been tough going so far.” She then continued with “I may not be a devil, but I can put the Blade’s reputation to work. How would you feel about helping me kill some evil bastards?” She quickly filled in the background, “if your moral compass needs something to point at” – basically, when she got dragged into the Blood War, she discovered she had a knack for killing demons. She was so good, in fact, that Archdevil Zariel considered her a valuable enough asset to take on the role of her personal attack dog. Karlach, with no other choice, played along until she could make good her escape, but, as she put it, “devils don’t like to lose their assets. Zariel liked it so little, she sent a bunch of goons, so-called ‘Paladins of Tyr,’ to take me back. Problem is, I’m not going.” Smiler, very familiar with Karlach’s pain and rage from the visions, decided their moral compass did indeed point toward murder in this case and cheerfully told her, “Let’s send them back where they came from” –
Prompting Karlach to pump her fists with a “Fuck yes” and explained that the group had previously cornered her at a tollhouse up a nearby hill (pointing it out so the others could see). “Doubt they’ve gone far after the scorching I gave them. Then we can work on evicting this parasite and take Faerûn by the short hairs. Sound good?” Gale was a little taken aback by all this, commenting (invisibly, because I don’t think he was standing in the spot the game THOUGHT he was standing in) “She’s, erm, perhaps a bit rough around the edges...but I suppose I can be smooth enough for two…” but Smiler was just fine with it, telling her it sounded like a great plan. Karlach delightedly informed them, “I’d hug you if it wouldn’t scorch your skin off” (causing Smiler to look a little “uh, please don’t” for a second), then declared she was getting all “het up” and they should make tracks! Causing her to officially join the party –
C) And, of course, causing her to get a whole bunch of experience so she could level up! :D Though, before I could throw her into the level-up screen, Lae’zel decided she wanted to engage in some banter with the new teammate and declared, “Smell that? Blood. This whole plain reeks of it.” Karlach obliged her with a “That’ll wake you up of a fine day, won’t it?” causing Lae’zel to respond “I do not need awakening. My senses are as sharp as steel.” Yeah, yeah, brag about how awesome you are, why don’t you – I still remember all your critical misses, lady. :p
Anyway – with that out of the way, it was off to the Leveling Area to bring Karlach up to snuff! Here’s how leveling our new local Zariel Tiefling Barbarian went:
Level 2 – Karlach’s HP rose from 14 to 23, and she gained “Danger Sense” (a passive which gives her Advantage on all Dexterity-based saving throws against spells, traps, and dangerous surfaces, as long as she’s not Blinded or Incapacitated at the time) and “Reckless Attack” (an action that gives her Advantage on all attack rolls until the end of her turn...but also gives her enemies advantage on attack rolls against HER). She also, thanks to my mods, got herself a Feat – after looking up her pre-recruitment stats and comparing them to her post-recruitment ones, I had her take an extra point in Strength (bringing up from 17 to 18) and Charisma (bringing up from 10 to 11). Because while her pre-recruitment self had Charisma 12, and I wanted to recognize that, I felt it rather more important that she boost her Strength roll modifier up a little bit more. Barbarian, after all!
Level 3 – Karlach’s HP rose from 23 to – uh, something, I forgot to write it down. ^^; I’m sure she has plenty of health, though! More importantly, she also got to choose a subclass at this level, for extra fun bonuses! The game had her default to the Berserker subclass – which turns the default Barbarian Rage into the stronger Frenzy and gives the Barbarian such abilities as “Frenzied Strike” (allowing them to make a melee attack with their equipped weapon as a bonus action) and “Enraged Throw” (allowing them to pick up objects, or even creatures, and fling them at enemies to knock them prone) – which I allowed was thematically appropriate, given her history as an extremely good front-line soldier in the Blood War –
But, well, I took a moment to look at the other subclasses and their features, and the Wild Magic one seemed a HELL of a lot more fun. :D Thus, my version of Karlach has “Rage: Wild Magic,” which not only gives her the normal benefits of being in a Rage (gaining resistance to physical damage, and Advantage on all Strength checks and saves), but ALSO causes a random magical effect to fire whenever she enters it! Which can lead to magic infusing her weapon (making it do 1D6 Force damage on top of its normal damage AND making it both light and throwable, with it returning to her hand if thrown), her gaining the ability to teleport once per turn to any unoccupied space she can see within 18 meters as a bonus action, or even her gaining the ability to summon a spectral flumph within 10 meters of her as a bonus action, which explodes at at the end of her turn and does 1D6 force damage to anyone within 4.5 meters who fails their Dexerity saving throw, among other things. :D She also received the “Magic Awareness” bonus action, which allows her to give herself and everyone within a 3 meter radius a 1D4 bonus to all saving throws (the game claims it adds the proficiency bonus of the character to saving throws against spells, but apparently that’s an inaccurate tooltip). So that’ll be handy – though, uh, according to the wiki, ALL people within 3 meters of her get the bonus, including enemies, when she activates the ability, so we’ll have to be careful when she uses it!
Not bad, right? I’m certainly looking forward to using her new magical rage in the battle against the Paladins…
D) Having leveled up our Karlach, it was time to try and find these fake Paladins of Tyr and kick their collective butts! ...AFTER having searched the area for goodies, of course – Priority Naught-Point-Five, remember? :P A quick press of Left ALT revealed that there was a backpack behind Karlach, ripe for the looting (perhaps items she brought with her from Avernus?) – Smiler opened it up to reveal one Wizardsbane Oil (which can be used as a weapon coating or grenade and inflicts upon the unlucky target a -3 to all spell attack rolls and spell save DCs and Disadvantage on all Concentration saving throws for two turns), one Oil of Accuracy, one Basic Poison, two Alchemist’s Fire (basically a big fiery grenade that you can throw at people to set them and the nearby environs on fire – not really SMILER’S thing, of course, but still), a Trap Disarm Kit, and an Arrow of Ice. *nods* Not a bad haul indeed – good job Karlach!
Backpack looted, the next step on the journey was to find the tollhouse Karlach had pointed out to everyone before as the probable location of the Paladins. I took a look in the direction that I thought she had pointed in during the cutscene (please note that “thought,” it’s important), but was unable to get the camera to go up past the rocks on the other side of the river to find the house. So instead I consulted the map to find the marker –
And was mildly surprised to see that it looked like it was back the way the party had come, in the Forest area. “Weird, but – eh, maybe it’s on top of those rocks that I can’t get the camera to climb properly,” I decided, and had the group set out, back across the log bridge and up the hill back over to the rocks where they could cross the river into the forest proper. Karlach enjoyed the walk very much, declaring, “Ahh. Flowers, leaves, grass. Can’t beat it” as the party reached the water’s edge. Shadowheart was less impressed, admitting, “I was raised in the city – I’m more used to feeling cobblestones underfoot than grass and fallen leaves” as per this screenshot:
(Yes, I know part of her text box is cut off by the mini-map – shush.) Karlach, a city girlie herself as per her backstory, confessed that “Before I went to Avernus, I’d have agreed with you. Nothing quite like Baldur’s Gate, is there?” To which Shadowheart replied, “Nothing in my recollection, anyway.” Which – is more significant than you might think, because as we will learn later, she actually doesn’t remember that much…
Anyway – once the ladies were done, Smiler led the way in jumping across the river again, back over to where Scratch was still restlessly roaming by his recently-deceased master. The Very Strong ladies followed them without a problem, but, as per usual, the Weak Men ended up hanging back, unable to figure out how to cross on their own. *shakehead* Astarion in particular decided that he’d rather start bantering with Karlach about how nasty the forest was, complaining “Biting flies, midges – shouldn’t nature be beautiful and serene? It looks so nice in the Upper City parks” –
But, rather than responding to him, Karlach instead suddenly told Smiler as they all completed their leaps, “Hang on, those paladins I need to stomp are that-a-way.” Which made me pause, because – what the heck did she mean by that? We were going toward the paladins – weren’t we? *gulp* Still, I persisted in pressing on for a moment more, listening to Karlach and Lae’zel share a bit of banter – with Karlach praising the smell of the fresh forest air, only for Lae’zel to respond “I smell only fear – the fear of cowards lying in wait for an ambush;” Karlach groaned “You can day off once in a while, Lae’zel” (please note that, in my world, Karlach has known Lae’zel for all of three minutes – then again, Lae’zel is NOT subtle), but Lae’zel insisted that days off were not her thing, adding, “I’d even forgo sleep, if such a thing were feasible. The one advantage an elf holds over a githyanki” –
And then I spotted a “!” over Karlach’s head. And when I had Smiler go to talk to her, she immediately asked, “Hey, we’re still going after those paladins, right? Can’t leave Zariel’s bruisers roaming the coast.” Smiler assured her that they did still plan to go after them, causing Karlach to relievedly say “Good news. Can’t wait to see them finished” –
And me to realize that, yes, if she was asking things like that, we were definitely going the wrong way. Damn it. >( Seems like the Weak Men hanging around at the edge of the river were right not to follow Smiler on their wild goose chase!
(Yes, I immortalized my mistake with a screenshot. I immortalize many things with screenshots.)
E) Having finally realized that we were going in the wrong direction, it was time to get everyone back over to the Risen Road so they could look for the tollhouse in THAT area of the map. This – proved to be a little harder than it initially looked, for two reasons:
One, the companions don’t always have the greatest pathing AI, especially if you’re in “grouped” mode
Two, even a strong companion may refuse to make a jump if they don’t think they have enough room to land – and the rocks in the middle of the river aren’t the widest “landing pad”
Long story short, my attempt to jump Smiler and the Strong Women back over to where the Weak Men were waiting on the far shore actually ended up with Gale actually remembering he could jump and ending up in the MIDDLE of the river when Smiler started leaping back, and Shadowheart somehow getting stranded on the far side. *shakehead* I managed to rescue both – Gale by making him the temporary leader of the party and making him jump back to the right side of the river (though that did result in a lot of the other characters clumping around HIM instead), and Shadowheart by hitting the “ungroup” button once all the others were on the far shore and getting her to leap over on her own – but it took a moment to get everything organized! At least I got a bit more fun party banter out of it – to whit:
I. Gale, during his ill-advised jump to the middle of the river, commenting that there’s “Nothing like a brisk stroll through the forest to invigorate the spirit.” Karlach admitted to him “I was just thinking the same thing, but less poetically,” causing him to add “And without so much as a stirring from our tadpoles” (presumably about them getting in sync). A pleased Karlach said that “A girl could get used to this,” which – not sure what prompted that, but she’s just happy to be out of Avernus, so we’ll let it go. :p
II. Karlach bursting out into a random fit of laughter as she jumped back to the Risen Road side of the river, prompting Astarion to ask “What’s so funny? You haven’t got some laughing curse, have you?” Karlach, however, was just enjoying her newfound freedom, telling him cheerfully, “I really made it out of Avernus. It’s incredible.” Our unimpressed elf vampire responded, “All right, just keep it down. We’re conspicuous enough without your hyena call.” Which, possibly accurate, but also, rude. Naughty Astarion.
III. Gale, being directed back to the correct side of the river by me, suddenly asking Karlach “I don’t suppose you’ve any clue where we are in relation to Waterdeep?” Karlach (probably wondering why the heck he was asking HER of all people – sure, she’s got the Outlander background, meaning she knows about living off the land, but she’s been in AVERNUS for years, dude) gamely replied “From the distance between Elturel and Baldur’s Gate, I’d say...a long way away” –
Prompting Gale to go, “Ah. That will make getting word to my mother rather tricky. No matter – what she doesn’t know can’t hurt her. Not at this distance, anyway.” Awwwww. :( I wish we COULD help Gale send word to his mother in the game – but then again, given the shit we’re all about to go through, maybe it’s best she doesn’t know how much mortal danger her son is in, yes.
IV. And, while I was getting Shadowheart back to the others, Karlach asking Lae’zel “Is this your first time on the Sword Coast, Lae’zel?” Lae’zel confessed it was, adding, “It is much more...lively...than the githyanki slates led me to believe.” Karlach, not realizing this was probably an insult (again, has known Lae’zel three minutes in my timeline), happily told her “Just wait till you see Baldur’s Gate. You’ll never want to leave.” No, Karlach, I think she very much will. :p
F) While all the above was going on, I happened to notice that Wyll had developed a “!” above his head – a sign that he wanted to have a chat as well. So, once I’d gotten Shadowheart back to the party and grouped everyone up properly again, I sent Smiler over to see what he wanted. To my mild surprise, though, when the cutscene started, the actual instigator of the conversation was in fact Karlach, going, “So, Wyll. Now that we’ve made peace, how about we get to know each other properly. What’s your story?” Which, okay, fair enough – she’d probably want to know more about the guy who was hunting her. Wyll, however, told her that it was “Not so much a story as a pantomime. And I’ve played my part all too poorly.” Smiler, baffled, cut in with “What’s that supposed to mean? Lay it out plainly, Wyll,” with Karlach assuring him that they were listening –
Causing Wyll to inform them that “It means that a reckoning’s coming. And I’ll be the one to pay up.” Karlach, amused in a slightly concerned way, said “You make it sound like a harvester devil’s coming for your throat” –
Only for Wyll to tell her “You’re closer than you know,” before adding, “One night soon when we make camp, the veil will be lifted and I’ll face my penance.” Smiler, now quite concerned themselves, went “Penance? Should I be worried?” – Wyll quickly assured them that “You’re not in any danger, I promise” –
Before sadly capping things off with “I can’t say the same about me.” *shakehead* Poor Wyll...if you’re wondering why he keeps talking AROUND what’s going on, it’s because he literally CAN’T say too much about what’s about to happen – it involves his horrible bitch devil warlock patron Mizora, and she’s made it so he CAN’T talk freely about his contract. But yeah, next long rest, she’s going to show up – and she’s NOT going to be happy with Wyll for not doing what he was told…
G) With all conversation exhausted (and me knowing now what was going to happen the next time the gang long-rested), I decided to take another moment to search the area with the camera for that damn tollhouse. Because, well, if Karlach didn’t want to go into the forest, it definitely had to be somewhere nearby, right? I thus started looking around, going up the road from where the group were hanging out –
And almost immediately spotted the familiar ladder that Karlach had pointed out in her introductory cutscene. Because, as it turned out, I had been looking in the entirely wrong direction before – I should have been looking back across the log bridge, not next to Karlach’s cowering ledge! *facepalm* Dear lord… Jon of Many A True Nerd may have -1 Perception, but I think I have -2. Still, I’d found the damn place, so I sent the gang over to the ladder to see what was what (having Smiler stop and pick up some autumncrocus along the way, because alchemy) –
And found a corpse there! A dead toll collector, lying broken on the ground. Smiler searched the corpse and found 54 gold in their pockets, which they promptly pilfered –
And then decided, “Well, I have the ability to speak with the dead – might as well try it on this corpse!” They thus cast the spell –
And, to my delight, it worked! :D Smiler thus used their power over life and death to ask the late toll collector who they were in life – “Vance..toll collector...” – how they died – “jumped...to escape...broken…” (who he was escaping wasn’t specified – he might have been fleeing the paladins, but I think goblins or gnolls also attacked this place in recent times) – and where they were heading – “anywhere...away...safety.” There was also an option to ask if he had any valuables, but as Smiler had already gotten the gold off the corpse… Anyway, have a screenshot of Smiler using Speak With Dead:
Gotta say, as spells go, it looks pretty damn rad. :)
H) And so my playsession ended with me using the camera to explore the exterior of the tollhouse, looking for the paladins that the gang needed to fight (and finding one dead gnoll outside – guess we know what else attacked the tollhouse now!) and eventually spotting one of them, Cyrel, walking in and out of a door leading onto one of the upper balconies –
I was briefly tempted to have the party go up and confront her, but decided against it, as it was already coming up on an hour of playtime and I figured it would take long enough to finish this writeup. (And, given I’m finishing this write-up the NEXT DAY, that was absolutely the right call.) So yeah – next time, the group takes on the Paladins of Tyr, then heads back to camp to properly get to know Karlach! Maybe not in that order, but both things should happen. We’ll see. :p
Workout: My final night on the bike this week saw me pedal my way through –
A) The end of “Let's Play Resident Evil Requiem: RACCOON CITY! GIANT SPIDER! FAMILIAR JERKASS? Episode 5” by OXBox! Which continued Leon’s adventures in the burnt-out wreckage of Raccoon City and featured:
I. Leon fighting off a lot of “Harryhausen skeleton” zombies (as the OXBoxers called them) in the warehouse and taking a lot of solid hits while doing so because, despite the zombies being extremely emaciated, they all hit like trucks. Fortunately his new shotgun did the job in keeping him from getting TOO injured. Jane eventually noted that it was pretty sad that all the warehouse workers became zombies, which led to jokes about it being an Amazon warehouse, then an Amazon BOOK warehouse because back in 1998 Amazon would have been exclusively a bookseller (true fact!), then an Umbrella warehouse during the brief period where they changed their name to Amazon and tried to diversify into selling books. Zeno is now Jeff Beszos before he lost his hair (or possibly with a hair transplant/toupee). XD
II. Leon working his way through the upper level of the warehouse, killing all the zombies up there and making paths for himself via dropping crates from hooks, before finding himself in a back office area, where he picked up the key to the back gate of Cedarbrooks Apartments and called Sherry to tell her about the zombie infestation. Sherry was incredulous, saying they should have all been taken out by the missile (which the OXBoxers agreed with – Jane claimed they were “missile-resistant zombies” and that’s why they were so strong) –
And Leon replied with “Yeah, they should’ve,” which ended the conversation. Mike was rather annoyed that they were just going to leave things on Leon lampshading that there really SHOULDN’T be zombies in the area rather than explaining anything. XD Jane at least pointed out that, since there were still buildings standing, it wasn’t THAT surprising that there were still zombies around – though having them burst up out of the concrete was still weird. :p
III. Leon running around on the roof of the warehouse, finding a generator that needed gas to power up all the stuff connected to it (including the door to the big mysterious caged area next to it that seemed suspiciously full of concrete-zombie-dust to me), some various generic goodies, the distributor to the detonator he was trying to construct, and a lookout point where he could use his binoculars to locate the other two buildings where he was pretty sure he could find the other parts to said detonator (with Sherry getting him the right coordinates with her hacking skills) – while in the real world, Andy talked about how zombies actually shouldn’t be able to move around at all because you need a beating heart to move blood around your body, otherwise it clots and everything hardens and whatnot (ew), and how this was not really acknowledge even by zombie fiction that had zombies decay over time and become harmless just from losing their muscles. Mike responded by bringing up the very gross idea of a zombie with a still-working heart that was rotting from the outside in, which – thanks for that, Mike. I really did not need that mental image. D: Jane also mentioned how World War Z does the semi-realistic “zombies rot over time and thus become harmless” thing, but also does a “zombies freeze in winter but are fine when they thaw out in summer” thing, so...who fucking knows about the rules of zombies, huh? :p
IV. Leon using a shortcut elevator to get back down to the BSAA camp he’d discovered, save his progress at the laptop, then turn in all his zombie kill credits to buy some body armor (at Jane’s request, as she wanted to see what it looked like – mostly elbow and shoulder pads, though it was pointed out that Leon – and Grace – got chomped on the shoulders a lot, so…), then (after a bit of wandering around the nearby area) using it to go back up onto the roof to take some potshots at the zombies on the highway running over the city nearby. Because, as Mike pointed out to Andy when he was reluctant to waste too much rifle ammo on them, the more combat data tracked by the tracker, the more credits earned that he could put toward a better shotgun. :p This bit also included Jane noticing that there did not seem to be any actual raccoons in Raccoon City (is it awful that now I want one of the protagonists to have to deal with a zombie raccoon?), and Mike holding back from making a “sniper of your caliber” pun in regards to Andy’s shooting skills, only for Jane to swoop in there instead. XD As she told him, he couldn’t just leave stuff like that unsaid!
V. Leon doing one last sweep of the warehouse, descending back to ground level by jumping down all the ladder hatches (Jane going “ow” each time as he is in his 50s now and shouldn’t be doing such things to his knees), then returning to the rooftop and using the elevator to get back down to the street so he could try and find his next objective! After being blocked by a giant pit in the road (and discovering that he couldn’t shoot down the giant girder above to turn it into a bridge this time), he eventually found his way into the back of Cedarbrooks Apartments and down into its underground parking garage area (the OXBoxers were very annoyed, as they were so done with being underground in the dark), where he was introduced to the “stealth kill” mechanic on a lone zombie facing away from him – a mechanic that Andy quite enjoyed. He also found a tracking module with 1,200 credits already on it, which the gang likened to someone forgetting their Nectar Points card somewhere. XD
VI. Leon entering the partially-flooded actual underground parking garage and discovering that the only way to open the gate leading out was by getting some new batteries from deeper inside the parking garage and the sewage facility next door – both Andy’s favorite places to go in a Resident Evil game! Mike complained that he’d really like for someone to have already changed the batteries in one of these boxes beforehand just once in one of these games, while Andy admitted he’d settle for the battery being in a fancy penthouse suite or something – Jane accused them of wanting the game to play itself, and both of them were like “yes, yes we would.” XD Anyway, cue Leon wandering between rusting trucks in the garage, stealthing up on as many zombies as he possibly could and blasting the ones he couldn’t with his shotgun or trusty rifle (including one that somehow emerged from the concrete on the top of a TRUCK – Mike was most incredulous, while Andy wondered if the zombies here could burrow, like Diglets), and opening the backs of a few of the trucks looking for goodies. One contained a zombie and an explosive container (Leon quickly eliminated the former by shooting the latter), while the other contained some machine gun ammo and a grenade (forcing him to do some crafting to make room in his attache case for the new goodies). He eventually found the needed battery (along with a machine gun) in a side room after killing a few more zombies, which Jane noted were “noisy-ass” zombies – Mike commented that they’d had no one to talk to, prompting Jane to reveal that she’d deliberately saved her voice so she could do this episode (she happened to be ill the week this was recorded). And that she’d left the boys a voice note to prove that she was too sick to come into work, with Andy and Mike stressing that, after hearing it, they’d told her that “you TOTALLY could have just texted us, we WOULD have believed you.” XD
VII. Leon making his way back to the power box by the big metal screen blocking his way out of the parking garage to put in the first battery, then venturing into the sewer facility (after a little trouble trying to find the right door, as the closest one was locked from the other side, and a stop back at the BSAA tent to get the nicer shotgun with his credits) to battle the zombies in there and locate the second battery! Jane remarked that neither Leon nor Grace (who, if you recall, was roaming a water treatment facility at the beginning of this episode) seemed able to stay away from water infrastructure. XD Which led to them noting it was always “gross water” and never a fun water park or mineral water bottling plant or the like. XD (Though probably you could argue that “fun water park with zombies” is more the domain of stuff like the Dead Rising series…) The gang also talked about their zombie survival plans as Leon found his way into the actual sewage processing plant (which fortunately did NOT have any sewage in it, hooray the passage of time) and fought the zombies there – Mike revealed that not only would he get really into renewables (to help keep the lights on), he’d leap on the excuse to kit his car out like a Mad Max murder wagon, while Jane confirmed that she’d get out of the city (possibly to a cottage in Scotland, like Mike said) and Andy declared that he’d set up a bone temple in a park. Jane suggested Primrose Hill as a possible location –
Causing Mike to reveal that they nearly built a huge mausoleum in the shape of a pyramid in Primrose Hill to deal with the lack of space in London graveyards! But stopped because, apparently, it was too awesome a plan. :p Jane commented that nobody would have forgotten to “memento mori” with a giant death pyramid looking down on them. XD
VIII. Leon continuing his trip through the sewage plant – taking care of Pustule Vicar Zombie #2 (with Andy realizing to his horror that the gas the guy emitted turned already-dead zombies into Blisterheads – great) and getting a tracking module off him (Mike going “he must have been tracking his OWN kills” when Jane wondered why a zombie would have that), working his way through a few more zombies in the lower section (including accidentally throwing an explosive canister AWAY from a zombie when it lunged at the wrong time), and cranking a movable section of wall into place to serve as a bridge over a gap (while the OXBoxers ragged on him for not just jumping it – guess Leon has finally decided to care about his knees!). Eventually he found not only the battery he needed, but also a nice shortcut door back into the parking garage, and was able to jog his way back to the power box while Jane asked Andy to confirm if Ada had claimed to be from the FBI when Leon first met her back in RE2 (Andy actually didn’t remember, so Jane had to look it up online – she had). Leading to jokes about Leon either only realizing twenty years later that she’d been lying, or not believing GRACE was an actual FBI agent because he wasn’t falling for THAT song and dance again! XD (To be fair – Grace never did actually show him her badge/ID, so he would actually be justified in not believing SHE was FBI…)
IX. And Leon finally opening the shutter in front of the parking garage ramp and heading up into the street, on the opposite side of the giant hole that he couldn’t get across before...to find a bunch of dead BSAA agents lying in a rough circle in the road. Connecting the headcam of one slumped against a car to his phone (the OXBoxers joking it was a good thing that 1998 tech was compatible before realizing this was supposed to be a modern-day team) revealed that the team had been sent in to rendezvous with a team in the center of the city to retrieve Elpis...only to be shot down the minute they tried to move out by none other than Zeno, wielding his own handcannon (which was badass, but also, the OXBoxers were like “how did you not SEE this guy, we thought you were dealing with a sniper when your heads started exploding!”) Appropriately, the game then cut briefly to Zeno leading Grace through the city, telling her when she asked what they were doing here that she’d see in good time…
And so the episode ended with Leon claiming a key to the big old supply container back at the original BSAA camp from the dead headcam guy and – after finally finding a way to drop the giant girder over the big hole in the road, and asking Sherry to dig up what she could on the guy in the white suit in the footage (leading the gang to be like “does he not know what Wesker looks like??” – probably not, guys, Wesker is generally CHRIS’S villain) – heading back there to see what was inside! And what was inside was a dusty-but-still-functional motorcycle… So yeah, next week, we should get to see Leon peel out on that! AFTER he finds the remaining bits of the detonator that he needs to get through the interior gate...
B) “This Seemingly USELESS Amulet Has a Hilarious Hidden Interaction in #bg3 #baldursgate #baldursgate3” by Toyhouze! A YouTube Short showing off a funny way to use the Amulet of Selûne’s Chosen (found near the back of the goblin camp) to rob traders blind! You see, the Amulet of Selûne’s Chosen grants the wearer the cantrip Selûne’s Dream – a healing spell that heals any ally the wearer touches for 1D8 hitpoints, but also has a chance of making them fall asleep. How does this help you rob people? Well, the thing is, if you get a trader’s Attitude toward you up to 100 – meaning they like you as much as they can do – the game considers them one of your allies. Meaning you can use the spell on them. So, the strat is to give the trader a bunch of stuff to increase their approval of you to the point where they’re considered an ally; use the spell on them until they fall asleep from being healed; then, while they’re asleep, take all your stuff back and all their stuff as well. Robbery made easy! (Oh, and if you’re not planning on putting traders to sleep with it, you can always just make sure to use the spell only on those with Fey Ancestry – AKA elves, half-elves, and drow. None of those races can be put to sleep by magical means, so they can never get hit by the drawback.)
C) And “Dead Money Secret Endings | Fallout Talk” by N_orte! A YouTube Short discussing the two Non-Standard Game Over endings you can get at the end of the “Dead Money” DLC, once you reach Sinclair’s fabled vault – one that screws over the Courier, and one that screws over everyone else in the game:
I. First, if your Courier chooses to go poking around in Sinclair’s personal files on the terminal in the vault (either because they didn’t read the note to Vera warning her not to do that or did but decided they absolutely had to see the note), they’ll find the “hi, enjoy being locked in here” letter he left Dean and discover that they’re now trapped in the Vault. This naturally leads to the Courier dying in there as they’re unable to get out, and the casino’s holographic recorders adding their hologram to all the others wandering the Sierra Madre. Grim!
II. And second, if your Courier is a truly evil bastard who think Father Elijah’s got the right idea when he talks about wiping the wasteland clean, rather than fighting the guy at the end, if they choose the right dialogue options in the final chat with him, they can JOIN him and aid him in wreaking havoc on the Mojave. This leads to New Vegas and the surrounding environs getting covered in toxic Cloud and all their people being eradicated. D: Extra grim! As per the comments on the short, though, you can only get the right dialogue options if you’ve already talked to Veronica about Elijah AND you’re vilified by the NCR, so your evil Courier’s gotta do their homework first if they want to get this ending!
YouTube: Well, I didn’t get to watch the weekly OXBox list or anything like that, but – as stated at the top of this surprisingly-long post – I did watch one video in full this morning while doing research for my “Valicer In The Dark Meets Baldur’s Gate III Not-Incorrect Quotes/Shitpost Collection Volume 3” post – “Shadowheart reveals her secret about Mysterious Artifact & Shar Worship Baldur's Gate 3” by ZaFrostPet! Which I put on to learn a bit more about what Shadowheart says when a Tav asks her about her Shar worship (with a side of “what does she say if you ask her about the mysterious artefact after it protects you upon reaching the goblin camp” – that can be summed up as “I don’t really remember much because I surrendered my memories for the mission, but we were sent by our cloister to get this githyanki artefact at all costs; I was the only survivor of the mission; and, as you know, I ended up caught by the mind flayers before I could get away with it.”) She’s initially a bit reluctant to say anything, but if you can persuade her (with a pretty easy check), she goes on about how Shar teaches them to get beyond fear and loss and to act in darkness that reflects other people’s fears, and to shed the heavy cloaks of hope and pain and “the promise of better days” holding them back. And how the Sharrans tear down corrupt institutions and destroy false idols and work to counter the lies people live with. Her zeal was admirable, and she made it sound not so bad –
Well, until she admitted that there was often death involved in converting people, as a lot of people “break” before accepting Shar’s truths. ZaFrostPet’s character couldn’t help but note that it sounded kind of evil, and Shadowheart mockingly told them to get a bailiff to arrest her in this wilderness, before saying that they were stuck together right now, but she’d happy go it alone with her faith. *shakehead* Very good thing you can get her out of this cult dedicated to forgetting and loss if you try hard enough!
...yeah, I guess that was lot to sum up in one day -- especially with it also having been Game Night (Sorry -- Mom won the first game, I won the other two). At least today's entry should be a lot easier!
Tumblr: Well, I technically had something going on on both my tumblrs today, but I wasn’t able to get to the ask over on Valice Multiverse in time – it’s just going to have to wait until tomorrow. However, over on Victor Luvs Alice (N Smiler), I got some stuff done – specifically, I spent the time before lunch working on the “Valicer In The Dark Meets Baldur’s Gate III Not-Incorrect Quotes/Shitpost Collection Volume 3” post in my drafts! Because, well, I’d like to finish it sometime this century. XD Today’s edits consisted of:
A) Revising the “Smiler tells Shadowheart never to tell Alice about Sharrans willingly giving up their memories in worship of their goddess” scene! Because when I watched a video showing off Shadowheart telling a Tav about Shar worship (mentioned way down below in the “YouTube” section), I discovered that Shadowheart never actually mentions Sharrans giving up their memories as worship, as I had her say in the original scene. The new version instead has Smiler spot the line about a Sharran Cleric willingly giving up her memories in the book “The Unclaimed” (which details how that same cleric was never actually claimed by Shar to join her in the afterlife when she died), ask Shadowheart about it – and, when she confirmed that some Sharrans do indeed wipe their minds as a sign of devotion, then telling her that Alice can never learn that or she’d try to kill Shar. :p (Honestly, I think we should let Alice have a crack at the goddess – badass as she is, she’d probably WIN.)
B) Writing up a scene where the Valicer trio smell something roasting in the tiefling camp, which Wyll confirms is rat – and getting super excited because they’ve missed a good rat skewer (with Alice admitting she’d started to think of Mr. Dibbler’s fare fondly). Cue an astonished Astarion being like “you ENJOY eating rat??” –
And Smiler telling him that rat is a pretty staple part of the Duskwallian diet, because “we don’t have these ‘cows’ you have, remember?” Astarion admitted he’d forgotten how weird their world was for a moment, and Alice told him, “If you think eating rat is weird, remind us to tell you about surprise loaf sometime.” XD I REALLY wanted to do a scene with the gang weirding at least one of the native BG3ers out with their love of eating rat, and this was the best way I could think of to do it! (Especially since I’m pretty sure Astarion in particular would associate having to eat – or, in his case, drink – rats with being at a low point in your life…)
C) Revising the scene where Victor ends up saving not only Mirkon, but Alice and Smiler (and the rest of the struggling party) from the Harpies’ song by unleashing his own Leviathan-summoning song on them – this one didn’t see any major changes, I just tweaked things to flow better and added in a few more lines to really sell that poor Victor was the only one who was fully unaffected by the Harpy’s magic music...and to emphasize how ANGRY he was when he decided to show the Harpies how it felt to have someone sing a deadly song at you. Because this is DEFINITELY set after he nearly got lured off a dock by a leviathan in my head. The scene ends on a funny note (with Gale asking Wyll if that was Hadar, and Wyll emphatically replying “NO IT WAS NOT”), but I can assure you Victor has a breakdown immediately afterward!
D) And making one small change to the “Smiler asks Wyll about false eye care” after confirming I’d gotten the one canonical Wyll line I slipped in wrong – he welcomes Tavs who got an eye surgery to the “League of the Lone Eye,” not the “League of the One Eye” like I originally wrote. Gotta keep things accurate!
So that was good! Still gotta write up the scene where Smiler discovers their Volo-granted false eye can see invisible creatures, and revise the one where Smiler tells the Emperor “we don’t need you to channel the power of the Netherstones – we have Us,” but some solid progress was made today, hooray.
...and I'm sorry, the rest of it is going to have to be posted tomorrow, because it is 1:45 AM here and I am tired. *shakehead* It's frustrating, sometimes, how long it takes to write everything up... Though I'm almost done with both the BG3 session (short version: Karlach recruited, but my poor sense of direction meant no Paladin fight) and the writing session (short version: Slugs taken care of, gang looking for final tripwire). Just didn't have time to finish them because I was trying to juggle other things too! At least my goals for tomorrow are simple -- clean my room and catch up on some videos I want to watch (including the OXBox list, that bartender making Nuka-Cola, and -- if it's up -- the next CaFae Latte compilation). Night all! EDIT 5/2/2026: Okay, I'm rested and ready to finish this thing off -- here's the rest of what I did yesterday:
Writing: Did another page of edits on Chapter 5 of “The Van Dort Vacancy” after lunch, as I indicated I would – today’s editing session featured –
A) Kasimir thanking Victor for getting Slugs to back down, then asking him if there were any more clockwork men they had to worry about, because if so he really wanted to know now rather than later – Victor assured him there weren’t, then apologized for not saying anything sooner, stating simply that it’s been – such a day. Kasimir allowed that he had asked Victor to hold off until they were past the mosaic, and that he hadn’t expected to fall either, as he was normally better at prowling (a nod to the fact that, despite having the best Prowl dice and leading the group action, he actually was one of the two people who failed the roll – the other being Smiler, hence why Smiler got dragged down with him when he fell) – Smiler kindly reminded him that he was working under unusual circumstances with a bum leg, so they could forgive him for having an accident.
B) Smiler then asking Victor what was the next trap they had to avoid, and Victor explaining that it was another tripwire – which, happily, was the last trap they needed to get past, but, unhappily, was as hard to spot as the first one AND was in a different place to trip up thieves who thought they had the measure of the place. An annoyed Kasimir asked if he could find it without setting it off, prompting Victor to get down on his hands and knees to try – though he admitted he’d need a minute, as he wasn’t 100% sure where it was (with Alice noting that it being darker down this end of the hallway couldn’t help in that regard, and asking if the dim light was a deliberate measure to trip up thieves or just his parents being cheap when it came to the lights – Victor’s answer was “yes”). Which then inspired him to ask how long they’d been in the hallway, as he didn’t know how long slumber essence lasts and didn’t want the guards outside waking up mid-search. Fortunately, Smiler, resident alchemist, was able to assure him that the guards wouldn’t be waking up for a WHILE, as slumber essence is strong stuff and only gets stronger when mixed with other intoxicants –
And, being a helpful sort, was also only too happy to get down on their hands and knees too to help him find the damn wire. Alice also joined them in their crawl, while Kasimir and Barnaby demurred, as they were both done with crouching for the moment – Kasimir on account of his knee, and Barnaby because he’d already ruined the pleats in his trousers. XD Alice told Barnaby to keep an eye out for trouble instead, then, causing him to be like “you’re ordering me around? I could make your life very hard if I wanted to, you know!” –
And then Alice called his bluff by asking if he ACTUALLY wanted to do that, and he admitted he actually didn’t care that much, because he was too rich for what the lower classes thought of him to matter. Alice very reluctantly allowed that was probably true. XD Oh Barnaby, you’re such a dick…
C) And Alice asking what would happen if someone did spot them down there, and Kasimir revealing he actually had something for that eventuality – a smoke bomb that Edvard had worked up for him! A simple gray sphere covered in holes that, when smashed on the ground, filled the area with smoke. Barnaby instantly objected to Kasimir using this anywhere near him on the basis that it would smell absolutely awful, while Alice pointed out the more relevant problem of “if the hallway ends up full of smoke, we won’t be able to see the traps we need to avoid.” Victor agreed with her and asked Kasimir to hold onto that for an emergency, which Kasimir slightly reluctantly did.
Nice – feels good to keep making progress on this! Next time, we’ll get the gang over the tripwire and to the door into the actual vault...which will have one final surprise for them that really shouldn’t be a surprise…
Baldur’s Gate III: I returned to the Risen Road of Faerûn today, as I said I would last night – and I am pleased to state that Smiler did indeed recruit themselves a Karlach! :D Though I was unable to face off against the fake Paladins of Tyr pursuing her, as I’d also hoped to do, because I was once again betrayed by my utter lack of a sense of direction and inability to properly read map markers. ^^; Ah well – got a lot of good dialogue out of the party, at least! Here, let me tell you all about it –
A) I picked up right where I’d left off last time, with the gang finally within sight of Karlach, huddling on her little patch of rock down, down, down by the river. :p Naturally, Priority Number One was finally adding her to the party, so I had Smiler and company proceed down the little hill and around to the log bridge leading to her tiny island ledge – stopping briefly along the way to pick up some mergrass growing by the river bank, 3 gold out of a pile of bones next to a blood puddle at the bottom of the hill, and some more mergrass and belladonna growing by the bridge itself. Because collecting goodies is always Priority Naught-Point-Five. :p Anyway, once their new plants were safely stored away in their alchemy pouch, Smiler then headed across the bridge to Karlach to trigger her recruitment cutscene –
Which in turn triggered Wyll to take the lead as the party approached her, taking in her appearance as she struggled to get her engine under control and declaring “One horn. The stink of Avernus. Advocatus diaboli.” Karlach, hearing this, stood up and responded in turn, “Well, I’ll be godsdamned – the Blade of Frontiers. Thought I’d shaken you for good. That’ll teach me to underestimate you.” Smiler confirmed that she was “the devil we’ve been hunting. Karlach, right?” (because they’re polite and the other options seemed a little too mean) – she told them, “Bloody right. An honor to be chased by the Blade of Frontiers. But–”
And cue her tadpole reaching out to the others and linking her brain to the rest of the party’s, as per usual! Smiler felt her heat course through them, “fiery as the Hells, and was overtaken by “visions of demonic armies as you tear through a landscape of fire and blood” as they writhed around rather overdramatically, clutching at the air next to their head (sorry, no screenshots, I was too busy being amused at how silly it all looked). The Narrator confirmed that these were images from the Blood War they’d briefly glimpsed while clambering around the Nautiloid back in the prologue, proving that Karlach had been on the front line. A startled Karlach, unused to The Tadpoles Wanting To Chat, blurted “What was that?!” –
Prompting Wyll to pull his rapier and declare it to be “Evidence. Proof you’re a devil, a gladiator in the archdevil Zariel’s army.” Oh dear. *grimace* Karlach tried to calm him down, telling him, “I can explain. But it’s a whole situation. If you’d just hear me out–”
And her tadpole decided her trying to explain normally would take too long and inflicted another vision on everyone – this time of her hacking her way through the servants of Zariel as she desperately sought for an escape. Smiler felt her rage and desperation fill them as the Narrator confirmed what they’d started to suspect: “She is a victim of the Blood War, not an agent of it.” Wyll, shaken, promptly claimed “She’s trying to trick us. Don’t believe her lies,” but Karlach insisted that what they’d seen was the truth – “I never wanted to serve Zariel. I was enlisted in her army against my will. Forced to fight, and fight I did. When I saw an opportunity to get away, I took it. I’m finally home – or near it, anyway.” Wyll refused to lower his sword, however, snapping that “You served her. That’s enough to damn you” –
Fortunately, Smiler was there to tell him, “Stand down, Wyll. You saw what I saw,” before he made a stupid mistake. A successful passive Perception check allowed them to spot him catch his breath, face briefly twisted by dread, before he came at them with “You don’t know what you’re saying. You’re asking me to trust a devil.” Smiler, however, was not to be daunted, reminding him, “You saw her thoughts. She poses no danger to the Sword Coast.” Karlach then pleaded with him, “You know monsters, right? Better than anyone. Look into my eyes. Can’t you see I’m not what you think?” Wyll indeed met her gaze head on –
And after a moment, said “Shit” and sheathed his sword, admitting, “You really are no devil, are you? I’ve...I’ve been deceived.” A relieved Karlach went, “Thank the gods. Thought I was going to have to take your head” – an amused Wyll replied, “You would’ve died in the attempt. But – there have been enough threats today” and accepted a truce from his former enemy. :) And from that moment on, they were besties. (No, seriously – look up Wyll and Karlach’s interactions together, and you’ll see they go ride or die for each other almost IMMEDIATELY after this moment. I read some of their banter this morning while working on my “Valicer In The Dark Meets Baldur’s Gate III Not-Incorrect Quotes/Shitpost Collection Volume 3” post on tumblr, and – cripes, I am surprised Karlach isn’t a canonical exception to Wyll’s monogamy when you romance him. XD)
B) With the threat of unnecessary violence over, it was time for everyone to get acquainted! Karlach formally introduced herself, and Smiler told her their name in turn – she greeted them with a warm, “Well met, soldier. Nice to meet a friendly face around here – it’s been tough going so far.” She then continued with “I may not be a devil, but I can put the Blade’s reputation to work. How would you feel about helping me kill some evil bastards?” She quickly filled in the background, “if your moral compass needs something to point at” – basically, when she got dragged into the Blood War, she discovered she had a knack for killing demons. She was so good, in fact, that Archdevil Zariel considered her a valuable enough asset to take on the role of her personal attack dog. Karlach, with no other choice, played along until she could make good her escape, but, as she put it, “devils don’t like to lose their assets. Zariel liked it so little, she sent a bunch of goons, so-called ‘Paladins of Tyr,’ to take me back. Problem is, I’m not going.” Smiler, very familiar with Karlach’s pain and rage from the visions, decided their moral compass did indeed point toward murder in this case and cheerfully told her, “Let’s send them back where they came from” –
Prompting Karlach to pump her fists with a “Fuck yes” and explained that the group had previously cornered her at a tollhouse up a nearby hill (pointing it out so the others could see). “Doubt they’ve gone far after the scorching I gave them. Then we can work on evicting this parasite and take Faerûn by the short hairs. Sound good?” Gale was a little taken aback by all this, commenting (invisibly, because I don’t think he was standing in the spot the game THOUGHT he was standing in) “She’s, erm, perhaps a bit rough around the edges...but I suppose I can be smooth enough for two…” but Smiler was just fine with it, telling her it sounded like a great plan. Karlach delightedly informed them, “I’d hug you if it wouldn’t scorch your skin off” (causing Smiler to look a little “uh, please don’t” for a second), then declared she was getting all “het up” and they should make tracks! Causing her to officially join the party –
C) And, of course, causing her to get a whole bunch of experience so she could level up! :D Though, before I could throw her into the level-up screen, Lae’zel decided she wanted to engage in some banter with the new teammate and declared, “Smell that? Blood. This whole plain reeks of it.” Karlach obliged her with a “That’ll wake you up of a fine day, won’t it?” causing Lae’zel to respond “I do not need awakening. My senses are as sharp as steel.” Yeah, yeah, brag about how awesome you are, why don’t you – I still remember all your critical misses, lady. :p
Anyway – with that out of the way, it was off to the Leveling Area to bring Karlach up to snuff! Here’s how leveling our new local Zariel Tiefling Barbarian went:
Level 2 – Karlach’s HP rose from 14 to 23, and she gained “Danger Sense” (a passive which gives her Advantage on all Dexterity-based saving throws against spells, traps, and dangerous surfaces, as long as she’s not Blinded or Incapacitated at the time) and “Reckless Attack” (an action that gives her Advantage on all attack rolls until the end of her turn...but also gives her enemies advantage on attack rolls against HER). She also, thanks to my mods, got herself a Feat – after looking up her pre-recruitment stats and comparing them to her post-recruitment ones, I had her take an extra point in Strength (bringing up from 17 to 18) and Charisma (bringing up from 10 to 11). Because while her pre-recruitment self had Charisma 12, and I wanted to recognize that, I felt it rather more important that she boost her Strength roll modifier up a little bit more. Barbarian, after all!
Level 3 – Karlach’s HP rose from 23 to – uh, something, I forgot to write it down. ^^; I’m sure she has plenty of health, though! More importantly, she also got to choose a subclass at this level, for extra fun bonuses! The game had her default to the Berserker subclass – which turns the default Barbarian Rage into the stronger Frenzy and gives the Barbarian such abilities as “Frenzied Strike” (allowing them to make a melee attack with their equipped weapon as a bonus action) and “Enraged Throw” (allowing them to pick up objects, or even creatures, and fling them at enemies to knock them prone) – which I allowed was thematically appropriate, given her history as an extremely good front-line soldier in the Blood War –
But, well, I took a moment to look at the other subclasses and their features, and the Wild Magic one seemed a HELL of a lot more fun. :D Thus, my version of Karlach has “Rage: Wild Magic,” which not only gives her the normal benefits of being in a Rage (gaining resistance to physical damage, and Advantage on all Strength checks and saves), but ALSO causes a random magical effect to fire whenever she enters it! Which can lead to magic infusing her weapon (making it do 1D6 Force damage on top of its normal damage AND making it both light and throwable, with it returning to her hand if thrown), her gaining the ability to teleport once per turn to any unoccupied space she can see within 18 meters as a bonus action, or even her gaining the ability to summon a spectral flumph within 10 meters of her as a bonus action, which explodes at at the end of her turn and does 1D6 force damage to anyone within 4.5 meters who fails their Dexerity saving throw, among other things. :D She also received the “Magic Awareness” bonus action, which allows her to give herself and everyone within a 3 meter radius a 1D4 bonus to all saving throws (the game claims it adds the proficiency bonus of the character to saving throws against spells, but apparently that’s an inaccurate tooltip). So that’ll be handy – though, uh, according to the wiki, ALL people within 3 meters of her get the bonus, including enemies, when she activates the ability, so we’ll have to be careful when she uses it!
Not bad, right? I’m certainly looking forward to using her new magical rage in the battle against the Paladins…
D) Having leveled up our Karlach, it was time to try and find these fake Paladins of Tyr and kick their collective butts! ...AFTER having searched the area for goodies, of course – Priority Naught-Point-Five, remember? :P A quick press of Left ALT revealed that there was a backpack behind Karlach, ripe for the looting (perhaps items she brought with her from Avernus?) – Smiler opened it up to reveal one Wizardsbane Oil (which can be used as a weapon coating or grenade and inflicts upon the unlucky target a -3 to all spell attack rolls and spell save DCs and Disadvantage on all Concentration saving throws for two turns), one Oil of Accuracy, one Basic Poison, two Alchemist’s Fire (basically a big fiery grenade that you can throw at people to set them and the nearby environs on fire – not really SMILER’S thing, of course, but still), a Trap Disarm Kit, and an Arrow of Ice. *nods* Not a bad haul indeed – good job Karlach!
Backpack looted, the next step on the journey was to find the tollhouse Karlach had pointed out to everyone before as the probable location of the Paladins. I took a look in the direction that I thought she had pointed in during the cutscene (please note that “thought,” it’s important), but was unable to get the camera to go up past the rocks on the other side of the river to find the house. So instead I consulted the map to find the marker –
And was mildly surprised to see that it looked like it was back the way the party had come, in the Forest area. “Weird, but – eh, maybe it’s on top of those rocks that I can’t get the camera to climb properly,” I decided, and had the group set out, back across the log bridge and up the hill back over to the rocks where they could cross the river into the forest proper. Karlach enjoyed the walk very much, declaring, “Ahh. Flowers, leaves, grass. Can’t beat it” as the party reached the water’s edge. Shadowheart was less impressed, admitting, “I was raised in the city – I’m more used to feeling cobblestones underfoot than grass and fallen leaves” as per this screenshot:
(Yes, I know part of her text box is cut off by the mini-map – shush.) Karlach, a city girlie herself as per her backstory, confessed that “Before I went to Avernus, I’d have agreed with you. Nothing quite like Baldur’s Gate, is there?” To which Shadowheart replied, “Nothing in my recollection, anyway.” Which – is more significant than you might think, because as we will learn later, she actually doesn’t remember that much…
Anyway – once the ladies were done, Smiler led the way in jumping across the river again, back over to where Scratch was still restlessly roaming by his recently-deceased master. The Very Strong ladies followed them without a problem, but, as per usual, the Weak Men ended up hanging back, unable to figure out how to cross on their own. *shakehead* Astarion in particular decided that he’d rather start bantering with Karlach about how nasty the forest was, complaining “Biting flies, midges – shouldn’t nature be beautiful and serene? It looks so nice in the Upper City parks” –
But, rather than responding to him, Karlach instead suddenly told Smiler as they all completed their leaps, “Hang on, those paladins I need to stomp are that-a-way.” Which made me pause, because – what the heck did she mean by that? We were going toward the paladins – weren’t we? *gulp* Still, I persisted in pressing on for a moment more, listening to Karlach and Lae’zel share a bit of banter – with Karlach praising the smell of the fresh forest air, only for Lae’zel to respond “I smell only fear – the fear of cowards lying in wait for an ambush;” Karlach groaned “You can day off once in a while, Lae’zel” (please note that, in my world, Karlach has known Lae’zel for all of three minutes – then again, Lae’zel is NOT subtle), but Lae’zel insisted that days off were not her thing, adding, “I’d even forgo sleep, if such a thing were feasible. The one advantage an elf holds over a githyanki” –
And then I spotted a “!” over Karlach’s head. And when I had Smiler go to talk to her, she immediately asked, “Hey, we’re still going after those paladins, right? Can’t leave Zariel’s bruisers roaming the coast.” Smiler assured her that they did still plan to go after them, causing Karlach to relievedly say “Good news. Can’t wait to see them finished” –
And me to realize that, yes, if she was asking things like that, we were definitely going the wrong way. Damn it. >( Seems like the Weak Men hanging around at the edge of the river were right not to follow Smiler on their wild goose chase!
(Yes, I immortalized my mistake with a screenshot. I immortalize many things with screenshots.)
E) Having finally realized that we were going in the wrong direction, it was time to get everyone back over to the Risen Road so they could look for the tollhouse in THAT area of the map. This – proved to be a little harder than it initially looked, for two reasons:
One, the companions don’t always have the greatest pathing AI, especially if you’re in “grouped” mode
Two, even a strong companion may refuse to make a jump if they don’t think they have enough room to land – and the rocks in the middle of the river aren’t the widest “landing pad”
Long story short, my attempt to jump Smiler and the Strong Women back over to where the Weak Men were waiting on the far shore actually ended up with Gale actually remembering he could jump and ending up in the MIDDLE of the river when Smiler started leaping back, and Shadowheart somehow getting stranded on the far side. *shakehead* I managed to rescue both – Gale by making him the temporary leader of the party and making him jump back to the right side of the river (though that did result in a lot of the other characters clumping around HIM instead), and Shadowheart by hitting the “ungroup” button once all the others were on the far shore and getting her to leap over on her own – but it took a moment to get everything organized! At least I got a bit more fun party banter out of it – to whit:
I. Gale, during his ill-advised jump to the middle of the river, commenting that there’s “Nothing like a brisk stroll through the forest to invigorate the spirit.” Karlach admitted to him “I was just thinking the same thing, but less poetically,” causing him to add “And without so much as a stirring from our tadpoles” (presumably about them getting in sync). A pleased Karlach said that “A girl could get used to this,” which – not sure what prompted that, but she’s just happy to be out of Avernus, so we’ll let it go. :p
II. Karlach bursting out into a random fit of laughter as she jumped back to the Risen Road side of the river, prompting Astarion to ask “What’s so funny? You haven’t got some laughing curse, have you?” Karlach, however, was just enjoying her newfound freedom, telling him cheerfully, “I really made it out of Avernus. It’s incredible.” Our unimpressed elf vampire responded, “All right, just keep it down. We’re conspicuous enough without your hyena call.” Which, possibly accurate, but also, rude. Naughty Astarion.
III. Gale, being directed back to the correct side of the river by me, suddenly asking Karlach “I don’t suppose you’ve any clue where we are in relation to Waterdeep?” Karlach (probably wondering why the heck he was asking HER of all people – sure, she’s got the Outlander background, meaning she knows about living off the land, but she’s been in AVERNUS for years, dude) gamely replied “From the distance between Elturel and Baldur’s Gate, I’d say...a long way away” –
Prompting Gale to go, “Ah. That will make getting word to my mother rather tricky. No matter – what she doesn’t know can’t hurt her. Not at this distance, anyway.” Awwwww. :( I wish we COULD help Gale send word to his mother in the game – but then again, given the shit we’re all about to go through, maybe it’s best she doesn’t know how much mortal danger her son is in, yes.
IV. And, while I was getting Shadowheart back to the others, Karlach asking Lae’zel “Is this your first time on the Sword Coast, Lae’zel?” Lae’zel confessed it was, adding, “It is much more...lively...than the githyanki slates led me to believe.” Karlach, not realizing this was probably an insult (again, has known Lae’zel three minutes in my timeline), happily told her “Just wait till you see Baldur’s Gate. You’ll never want to leave.” No, Karlach, I think she very much will. :p
F) While all the above was going on, I happened to notice that Wyll had developed a “!” above his head – a sign that he wanted to have a chat as well. So, once I’d gotten Shadowheart back to the party and grouped everyone up properly again, I sent Smiler over to see what he wanted. To my mild surprise, though, when the cutscene started, the actual instigator of the conversation was in fact Karlach, going, “So, Wyll. Now that we’ve made peace, how about we get to know each other properly. What’s your story?” Which, okay, fair enough – she’d probably want to know more about the guy who was hunting her. Wyll, however, told her that it was “Not so much a story as a pantomime. And I’ve played my part all too poorly.” Smiler, baffled, cut in with “What’s that supposed to mean? Lay it out plainly, Wyll,” with Karlach assuring him that they were listening –
Causing Wyll to inform them that “It means that a reckoning’s coming. And I’ll be the one to pay up.” Karlach, amused in a slightly concerned way, said “You make it sound like a harvester devil’s coming for your throat” –
Only for Wyll to tell her “You’re closer than you know,” before adding, “One night soon when we make camp, the veil will be lifted and I’ll face my penance.” Smiler, now quite concerned themselves, went “Penance? Should I be worried?” – Wyll quickly assured them that “You’re not in any danger, I promise” –
Before sadly capping things off with “I can’t say the same about me.” *shakehead* Poor Wyll...if you’re wondering why he keeps talking AROUND what’s going on, it’s because he literally CAN’T say too much about what’s about to happen – it involves his horrible bitch devil warlock patron Mizora, and she’s made it so he CAN’T talk freely about his contract. But yeah, next long rest, she’s going to show up – and she’s NOT going to be happy with Wyll for not doing what he was told…
G) With all conversation exhausted (and me knowing now what was going to happen the next time the gang long-rested), I decided to take another moment to search the area with the camera for that damn tollhouse. Because, well, if Karlach didn’t want to go into the forest, it definitely had to be somewhere nearby, right? I thus started looking around, going up the road from where the group were hanging out –
And almost immediately spotted the familiar ladder that Karlach had pointed out in her introductory cutscene. Because, as it turned out, I had been looking in the entirely wrong direction before – I should have been looking back across the log bridge, not next to Karlach’s cowering ledge! *facepalm* Dear lord… Jon of Many A True Nerd may have -1 Perception, but I think I have -2. Still, I’d found the damn place, so I sent the gang over to the ladder to see what was what (having Smiler stop and pick up some autumncrocus along the way, because alchemy) –
And found a corpse there! A dead toll collector, lying broken on the ground. Smiler searched the corpse and found 54 gold in their pockets, which they promptly pilfered –
And then decided, “Well, I have the ability to speak with the dead – might as well try it on this corpse!” They thus cast the spell –
And, to my delight, it worked! :D Smiler thus used their power over life and death to ask the late toll collector who they were in life – “Vance..toll collector...” – how they died – “jumped...to escape...broken…” (who he was escaping wasn’t specified – he might have been fleeing the paladins, but I think goblins or gnolls also attacked this place in recent times) – and where they were heading – “anywhere...away...safety.” There was also an option to ask if he had any valuables, but as Smiler had already gotten the gold off the corpse… Anyway, have a screenshot of Smiler using Speak With Dead:
Gotta say, as spells go, it looks pretty damn rad. :)
H) And so my playsession ended with me using the camera to explore the exterior of the tollhouse, looking for the paladins that the gang needed to fight (and finding one dead gnoll outside – guess we know what else attacked the tollhouse now!) and eventually spotting one of them, Cyrel, walking in and out of a door leading onto one of the upper balconies –
I was briefly tempted to have the party go up and confront her, but decided against it, as it was already coming up on an hour of playtime and I figured it would take long enough to finish this writeup. (And, given I’m finishing this write-up the NEXT DAY, that was absolutely the right call.) So yeah – next time, the group takes on the Paladins of Tyr, then heads back to camp to properly get to know Karlach! Maybe not in that order, but both things should happen. We’ll see. :p
Workout: My final night on the bike this week saw me pedal my way through –
A) The end of “Let's Play Resident Evil Requiem: RACCOON CITY! GIANT SPIDER! FAMILIAR JERKASS? Episode 5” by OXBox! Which continued Leon’s adventures in the burnt-out wreckage of Raccoon City and featured:
I. Leon fighting off a lot of “Harryhausen skeleton” zombies (as the OXBoxers called them) in the warehouse and taking a lot of solid hits while doing so because, despite the zombies being extremely emaciated, they all hit like trucks. Fortunately his new shotgun did the job in keeping him from getting TOO injured. Jane eventually noted that it was pretty sad that all the warehouse workers became zombies, which led to jokes about it being an Amazon warehouse, then an Amazon BOOK warehouse because back in 1998 Amazon would have been exclusively a bookseller (true fact!), then an Umbrella warehouse during the brief period where they changed their name to Amazon and tried to diversify into selling books. Zeno is now Jeff Beszos before he lost his hair (or possibly with a hair transplant/toupee). XD
II. Leon working his way through the upper level of the warehouse, killing all the zombies up there and making paths for himself via dropping crates from hooks, before finding himself in a back office area, where he picked up the key to the back gate of Cedarbrooks Apartments and called Sherry to tell her about the zombie infestation. Sherry was incredulous, saying they should have all been taken out by the missile (which the OXBoxers agreed with – Jane claimed they were “missile-resistant zombies” and that’s why they were so strong) –
And Leon replied with “Yeah, they should’ve,” which ended the conversation. Mike was rather annoyed that they were just going to leave things on Leon lampshading that there really SHOULDN’T be zombies in the area rather than explaining anything. XD Jane at least pointed out that, since there were still buildings standing, it wasn’t THAT surprising that there were still zombies around – though having them burst up out of the concrete was still weird. :p
III. Leon running around on the roof of the warehouse, finding a generator that needed gas to power up all the stuff connected to it (including the door to the big mysterious caged area next to it that seemed suspiciously full of concrete-zombie-dust to me), some various generic goodies, the distributor to the detonator he was trying to construct, and a lookout point where he could use his binoculars to locate the other two buildings where he was pretty sure he could find the other parts to said detonator (with Sherry getting him the right coordinates with her hacking skills) – while in the real world, Andy talked about how zombies actually shouldn’t be able to move around at all because you need a beating heart to move blood around your body, otherwise it clots and everything hardens and whatnot (ew), and how this was not really acknowledge even by zombie fiction that had zombies decay over time and become harmless just from losing their muscles. Mike responded by bringing up the very gross idea of a zombie with a still-working heart that was rotting from the outside in, which – thanks for that, Mike. I really did not need that mental image. D: Jane also mentioned how World War Z does the semi-realistic “zombies rot over time and thus become harmless” thing, but also does a “zombies freeze in winter but are fine when they thaw out in summer” thing, so...who fucking knows about the rules of zombies, huh? :p
IV. Leon using a shortcut elevator to get back down to the BSAA camp he’d discovered, save his progress at the laptop, then turn in all his zombie kill credits to buy some body armor (at Jane’s request, as she wanted to see what it looked like – mostly elbow and shoulder pads, though it was pointed out that Leon – and Grace – got chomped on the shoulders a lot, so…), then (after a bit of wandering around the nearby area) using it to go back up onto the roof to take some potshots at the zombies on the highway running over the city nearby. Because, as Mike pointed out to Andy when he was reluctant to waste too much rifle ammo on them, the more combat data tracked by the tracker, the more credits earned that he could put toward a better shotgun. :p This bit also included Jane noticing that there did not seem to be any actual raccoons in Raccoon City (is it awful that now I want one of the protagonists to have to deal with a zombie raccoon?), and Mike holding back from making a “sniper of your caliber” pun in regards to Andy’s shooting skills, only for Jane to swoop in there instead. XD As she told him, he couldn’t just leave stuff like that unsaid!
V. Leon doing one last sweep of the warehouse, descending back to ground level by jumping down all the ladder hatches (Jane going “ow” each time as he is in his 50s now and shouldn’t be doing such things to his knees), then returning to the rooftop and using the elevator to get back down to the street so he could try and find his next objective! After being blocked by a giant pit in the road (and discovering that he couldn’t shoot down the giant girder above to turn it into a bridge this time), he eventually found his way into the back of Cedarbrooks Apartments and down into its underground parking garage area (the OXBoxers were very annoyed, as they were so done with being underground in the dark), where he was introduced to the “stealth kill” mechanic on a lone zombie facing away from him – a mechanic that Andy quite enjoyed. He also found a tracking module with 1,200 credits already on it, which the gang likened to someone forgetting their Nectar Points card somewhere. XD
VI. Leon entering the partially-flooded actual underground parking garage and discovering that the only way to open the gate leading out was by getting some new batteries from deeper inside the parking garage and the sewage facility next door – both Andy’s favorite places to go in a Resident Evil game! Mike complained that he’d really like for someone to have already changed the batteries in one of these boxes beforehand just once in one of these games, while Andy admitted he’d settle for the battery being in a fancy penthouse suite or something – Jane accused them of wanting the game to play itself, and both of them were like “yes, yes we would.” XD Anyway, cue Leon wandering between rusting trucks in the garage, stealthing up on as many zombies as he possibly could and blasting the ones he couldn’t with his shotgun or trusty rifle (including one that somehow emerged from the concrete on the top of a TRUCK – Mike was most incredulous, while Andy wondered if the zombies here could burrow, like Diglets), and opening the backs of a few of the trucks looking for goodies. One contained a zombie and an explosive container (Leon quickly eliminated the former by shooting the latter), while the other contained some machine gun ammo and a grenade (forcing him to do some crafting to make room in his attache case for the new goodies). He eventually found the needed battery (along with a machine gun) in a side room after killing a few more zombies, which Jane noted were “noisy-ass” zombies – Mike commented that they’d had no one to talk to, prompting Jane to reveal that she’d deliberately saved her voice so she could do this episode (she happened to be ill the week this was recorded). And that she’d left the boys a voice note to prove that she was too sick to come into work, with Andy and Mike stressing that, after hearing it, they’d told her that “you TOTALLY could have just texted us, we WOULD have believed you.” XD
VII. Leon making his way back to the power box by the big metal screen blocking his way out of the parking garage to put in the first battery, then venturing into the sewer facility (after a little trouble trying to find the right door, as the closest one was locked from the other side, and a stop back at the BSAA tent to get the nicer shotgun with his credits) to battle the zombies in there and locate the second battery! Jane remarked that neither Leon nor Grace (who, if you recall, was roaming a water treatment facility at the beginning of this episode) seemed able to stay away from water infrastructure. XD Which led to them noting it was always “gross water” and never a fun water park or mineral water bottling plant or the like. XD (Though probably you could argue that “fun water park with zombies” is more the domain of stuff like the Dead Rising series…) The gang also talked about their zombie survival plans as Leon found his way into the actual sewage processing plant (which fortunately did NOT have any sewage in it, hooray the passage of time) and fought the zombies there – Mike revealed that not only would he get really into renewables (to help keep the lights on), he’d leap on the excuse to kit his car out like a Mad Max murder wagon, while Jane confirmed that she’d get out of the city (possibly to a cottage in Scotland, like Mike said) and Andy declared that he’d set up a bone temple in a park. Jane suggested Primrose Hill as a possible location –
Causing Mike to reveal that they nearly built a huge mausoleum in the shape of a pyramid in Primrose Hill to deal with the lack of space in London graveyards! But stopped because, apparently, it was too awesome a plan. :p Jane commented that nobody would have forgotten to “memento mori” with a giant death pyramid looking down on them. XD
VIII. Leon continuing his trip through the sewage plant – taking care of Pustule Vicar Zombie #2 (with Andy realizing to his horror that the gas the guy emitted turned already-dead zombies into Blisterheads – great) and getting a tracking module off him (Mike going “he must have been tracking his OWN kills” when Jane wondered why a zombie would have that), working his way through a few more zombies in the lower section (including accidentally throwing an explosive canister AWAY from a zombie when it lunged at the wrong time), and cranking a movable section of wall into place to serve as a bridge over a gap (while the OXBoxers ragged on him for not just jumping it – guess Leon has finally decided to care about his knees!). Eventually he found not only the battery he needed, but also a nice shortcut door back into the parking garage, and was able to jog his way back to the power box while Jane asked Andy to confirm if Ada had claimed to be from the FBI when Leon first met her back in RE2 (Andy actually didn’t remember, so Jane had to look it up online – she had). Leading to jokes about Leon either only realizing twenty years later that she’d been lying, or not believing GRACE was an actual FBI agent because he wasn’t falling for THAT song and dance again! XD (To be fair – Grace never did actually show him her badge/ID, so he would actually be justified in not believing SHE was FBI…)
IX. And Leon finally opening the shutter in front of the parking garage ramp and heading up into the street, on the opposite side of the giant hole that he couldn’t get across before...to find a bunch of dead BSAA agents lying in a rough circle in the road. Connecting the headcam of one slumped against a car to his phone (the OXBoxers joking it was a good thing that 1998 tech was compatible before realizing this was supposed to be a modern-day team) revealed that the team had been sent in to rendezvous with a team in the center of the city to retrieve Elpis...only to be shot down the minute they tried to move out by none other than Zeno, wielding his own handcannon (which was badass, but also, the OXBoxers were like “how did you not SEE this guy, we thought you were dealing with a sniper when your heads started exploding!”) Appropriately, the game then cut briefly to Zeno leading Grace through the city, telling her when she asked what they were doing here that she’d see in good time…
And so the episode ended with Leon claiming a key to the big old supply container back at the original BSAA camp from the dead headcam guy and – after finally finding a way to drop the giant girder over the big hole in the road, and asking Sherry to dig up what she could on the guy in the white suit in the footage (leading the gang to be like “does he not know what Wesker looks like??” – probably not, guys, Wesker is generally CHRIS’S villain) – heading back there to see what was inside! And what was inside was a dusty-but-still-functional motorcycle… So yeah, next week, we should get to see Leon peel out on that! AFTER he finds the remaining bits of the detonator that he needs to get through the interior gate...
B) “This Seemingly USELESS Amulet Has a Hilarious Hidden Interaction in #bg3 #baldursgate #baldursgate3” by Toyhouze! A YouTube Short showing off a funny way to use the Amulet of Selûne’s Chosen (found near the back of the goblin camp) to rob traders blind! You see, the Amulet of Selûne’s Chosen grants the wearer the cantrip Selûne’s Dream – a healing spell that heals any ally the wearer touches for 1D8 hitpoints, but also has a chance of making them fall asleep. How does this help you rob people? Well, the thing is, if you get a trader’s Attitude toward you up to 100 – meaning they like you as much as they can do – the game considers them one of your allies. Meaning you can use the spell on them. So, the strat is to give the trader a bunch of stuff to increase their approval of you to the point where they’re considered an ally; use the spell on them until they fall asleep from being healed; then, while they’re asleep, take all your stuff back and all their stuff as well. Robbery made easy! (Oh, and if you’re not planning on putting traders to sleep with it, you can always just make sure to use the spell only on those with Fey Ancestry – AKA elves, half-elves, and drow. None of those races can be put to sleep by magical means, so they can never get hit by the drawback.)
C) And “Dead Money Secret Endings | Fallout Talk” by N_orte! A YouTube Short discussing the two Non-Standard Game Over endings you can get at the end of the “Dead Money” DLC, once you reach Sinclair’s fabled vault – one that screws over the Courier, and one that screws over everyone else in the game:
I. First, if your Courier chooses to go poking around in Sinclair’s personal files on the terminal in the vault (either because they didn’t read the note to Vera warning her not to do that or did but decided they absolutely had to see the note), they’ll find the “hi, enjoy being locked in here” letter he left Dean and discover that they’re now trapped in the Vault. This naturally leads to the Courier dying in there as they’re unable to get out, and the casino’s holographic recorders adding their hologram to all the others wandering the Sierra Madre. Grim!
II. And second, if your Courier is a truly evil bastard who think Father Elijah’s got the right idea when he talks about wiping the wasteland clean, rather than fighting the guy at the end, if they choose the right dialogue options in the final chat with him, they can JOIN him and aid him in wreaking havoc on the Mojave. This leads to New Vegas and the surrounding environs getting covered in toxic Cloud and all their people being eradicated. D: Extra grim! As per the comments on the short, though, you can only get the right dialogue options if you’ve already talked to Veronica about Elijah AND you’re vilified by the NCR, so your evil Courier’s gotta do their homework first if they want to get this ending!
YouTube: Well, I didn’t get to watch the weekly OXBox list or anything like that, but – as stated at the top of this surprisingly-long post – I did watch one video in full this morning while doing research for my “Valicer In The Dark Meets Baldur’s Gate III Not-Incorrect Quotes/Shitpost Collection Volume 3” post – “Shadowheart reveals her secret about Mysterious Artifact & Shar Worship Baldur's Gate 3” by ZaFrostPet! Which I put on to learn a bit more about what Shadowheart says when a Tav asks her about her Shar worship (with a side of “what does she say if you ask her about the mysterious artefact after it protects you upon reaching the goblin camp” – that can be summed up as “I don’t really remember much because I surrendered my memories for the mission, but we were sent by our cloister to get this githyanki artefact at all costs; I was the only survivor of the mission; and, as you know, I ended up caught by the mind flayers before I could get away with it.”) She’s initially a bit reluctant to say anything, but if you can persuade her (with a pretty easy check), she goes on about how Shar teaches them to get beyond fear and loss and to act in darkness that reflects other people’s fears, and to shed the heavy cloaks of hope and pain and “the promise of better days” holding them back. And how the Sharrans tear down corrupt institutions and destroy false idols and work to counter the lies people live with. Her zeal was admirable, and she made it sound not so bad –
Well, until she admitted that there was often death involved in converting people, as a lot of people “break” before accepting Shar’s truths. ZaFrostPet’s character couldn’t help but note that it sounded kind of evil, and Shadowheart mockingly told them to get a bailiff to arrest her in this wilderness, before saying that they were stuck together right now, but she’d happy go it alone with her faith. *shakehead* Very good thing you can get her out of this cult dedicated to forgetting and loss if you try hard enough!
...yeah, I guess that was lot to sum up in one day -- especially with it also having been Game Night (Sorry -- Mom won the first game, I won the other two). At least today's entry should be a lot easier!
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Date: 2026-05-02 03:52 pm (UTC)Also, next season is up. Remember I said about the current arc not being done? Yeah, the season stops riiiight when it gets good lol.
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Date: 2026-05-02 10:23 pm (UTC)So I saw! And of course it does. XD Damn cliffhangers! I look forward to watching it later.