Warning: This Post Contains Angst Fic
Jul. 22nd, 2009 10:21 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
crossover_chickWell, I've been browsing a certain section on TV Tropes a lot recently, so I think it's time to pull out this fic.
-TTV: Should I leave the room?-
If you want. It might be for the best.
-TD: That's not a good sign.-
No, it isn't. Everyone, it's time for the Bad End Victor/Alice fic.
13. Excessive chain – So Much For My Happy Ending
The straitjacket always looked excessive on his pale frame. She knew why he had to be restrained, but it still looked like too much. Too many buckles, too many straps, too much tightness. As if Victor didn’t hold himself tight enough already.
She visited as often as she could, which wasn’t often enough for her tastes. The doctors limited her to once a week, saying things like, “he can’t be overstimulated” or “rest and quiet is the best medicine.” Truthfully, she thought they were afraid that if she spent too much time in Rutledge, she’d go crazy again and have to be locked up like him. In her darker moments, she wondered if they might be right.
The staff, of course, knew her well by this point. They always greeted her by name, sounding surprisingly friendly. Alice returned their cordiality – it was the least she could do. It certainly wasn’t their faults that she’d had to spend ten years in the asylum.
And it certainly wasn’t their faults Victor was now staying there.
Most of the time, he stared emptily at the ceiling and walls. She’d sit by his side, sometimes reading him a book or telling him about her uncle’s latest business deal. He almost never responded. A faint twitch of his lips or a blink of his eyes was the most she could hope for.
It was preferable to the fits, though. Then Victor would scream and struggle against his bonds, and try to bash his head into the walls. And Alice would have to hold him tightly to prevent him hurting himself, and listen to him beg her to make the voice be still, or release him so he could die. Those were the days that left both of them crying, her for his lost sanity, him for the pain of being alive with a monster in his head.
Worst of all were the days when he was truly in control. His eyes were cold then, and he’d smile and talk politely and encourage her to forget “Van Dort.” And Alice would have to bite her tongue to keep herself from screaming at him, from telling him to let Victor go or she’d kill him (except that killing him meant killing Victor), from roaring at him that she did not want his red roses, she did not want his love, she was not his Queen of Hearts! Those were the days she couldn’t stay long, that made her storm out of the asylum, then sob the entire ride back because it was her fault, her fault. . . .
But sometimes – very rarely, but sometimes – it was Victor. Not an empty shell, not a suicidal wreck, not the King of Hearts – but Victor, her Victor. And they’d talk, almost like old times, and he’d promise to teach her piano and get her a kitten and himself a puppy once he was released. Those were the days she kissed him hardest, trying with her lips to make him stay, make him get better. Trying to remind him who he truly was.
It never worked, of course. And Alice was left with a husband (they’d never gotten married officially, but she insisted everyone call her Mrs. Van Dort anyway) wrapped in a too-tight straitjacket, and a heart that broke every single week. She was the reason he was here. She didn’t deserve to be anywhere near him.
But she’d stay with him, just the same.
-Muses: . . . .-
Yeaaah. This is what happens if Victor DOESN'T win the fight with the King of Hearts at the end of "The Solicitor's Ward." Locked up in Rutledge for God knows how long. I knew the instant I saw the prompt I'd be doing something with Victor and straitjackets -- the rest of the fic quickly followed. This is one of two fics that didn't get a first draft on paper ("Perfect Blue," the first one I posted, is the other) -- I wrote it one weekend freehand. It probably shows a little.
-VD2: I think we need to put a moratorium on you writing asylum fics altogether!-
-D: Why THIS, of all things?-
I had the angst bunnies that weekend! Plus I felt I ought to do one story showing the way things could have turned out. If it makes you feel any better, Victor's relatively well-treated in the asylum.
-M2: No offense to TeenDoc and Tie-Twister, but IT'S THE 1870S.-
Yeah, I know. Hence the "relatively."
-VD: Why on earth is Alice blaming herself?-
Because she took him to Wonderland. It has to do with how the Queen is a version of Alice. Alice, as a child, liked to pretend to be two people (it's mentioned in the original books), so I came up with a theory that the Queen of Hearts is a natural extension of this in Wonderland. And the King of Hearts is whoever Alice loves or cares about deeply at the time. The old King of Hearts was a mix of Alice's father (no, no Jocasta complexes here, or whatever you call them) and her little kid crush, Reginald Hargreaves (the name of the guy whom the REAL Alice married). As mentioned previously, he died to save the Queen, and didn't get remade in Wonderland until Alice fell in love again -- with Victor. When Victor entered Wonderland, the King of Hearts was essentially reborn inside him. Unfortunately, much like the Queen attached herself to Alice's insanity, the King attaches himself to the closest analog in Victor's mind -- which turns out to be a rather deep sense of self-loathing. Hence why Victor's trying to kill himself in his fits -- he's constantly hearing a voice inside his head putting him down and telling him he's worthless.
-M: *soft* Harsh.-
Yeah. The creepy thing is, the King is a rather amiable guy as long as you're not Victor. He fights on the side of good in "The Solicitor's Ward." Victor just has to get him under control afterwards so the guy isn't driving him insane. This Victor didn't.
-VDM: Um -- isn't hating the guy you're attached to and trying to get him to kill himself kind of -- stupid?-
Never stopped the Queen of Hearts. Anyway, yeah, this is easily the darkest of all the 30 Kisses fics. The rest of them go back to mostly light and happy. Rejoice!
-HD: *grumble* You'd BETTER have some happy.-
There will be happy, I promise. Also, one last note about the title -- it's another jukebox one, from the song of the same name. The song has NOTHING to do with the story, I just thought it sounded appropriate.
Annd on that lovely note, I really ought to hit the sheets.
-TTV: Should I leave the room?-
If you want. It might be for the best.
-TD: That's not a good sign.-
No, it isn't. Everyone, it's time for the Bad End Victor/Alice fic.
13. Excessive chain – So Much For My Happy Ending
The straitjacket always looked excessive on his pale frame. She knew why he had to be restrained, but it still looked like too much. Too many buckles, too many straps, too much tightness. As if Victor didn’t hold himself tight enough already.
She visited as often as she could, which wasn’t often enough for her tastes. The doctors limited her to once a week, saying things like, “he can’t be overstimulated” or “rest and quiet is the best medicine.” Truthfully, she thought they were afraid that if she spent too much time in Rutledge, she’d go crazy again and have to be locked up like him. In her darker moments, she wondered if they might be right.
The staff, of course, knew her well by this point. They always greeted her by name, sounding surprisingly friendly. Alice returned their cordiality – it was the least she could do. It certainly wasn’t their faults that she’d had to spend ten years in the asylum.
And it certainly wasn’t their faults Victor was now staying there.
Most of the time, he stared emptily at the ceiling and walls. She’d sit by his side, sometimes reading him a book or telling him about her uncle’s latest business deal. He almost never responded. A faint twitch of his lips or a blink of his eyes was the most she could hope for.
It was preferable to the fits, though. Then Victor would scream and struggle against his bonds, and try to bash his head into the walls. And Alice would have to hold him tightly to prevent him hurting himself, and listen to him beg her to make the voice be still, or release him so he could die. Those were the days that left both of them crying, her for his lost sanity, him for the pain of being alive with a monster in his head.
Worst of all were the days when he was truly in control. His eyes were cold then, and he’d smile and talk politely and encourage her to forget “Van Dort.” And Alice would have to bite her tongue to keep herself from screaming at him, from telling him to let Victor go or she’d kill him (except that killing him meant killing Victor), from roaring at him that she did not want his red roses, she did not want his love, she was not his Queen of Hearts! Those were the days she couldn’t stay long, that made her storm out of the asylum, then sob the entire ride back because it was her fault, her fault. . . .
But sometimes – very rarely, but sometimes – it was Victor. Not an empty shell, not a suicidal wreck, not the King of Hearts – but Victor, her Victor. And they’d talk, almost like old times, and he’d promise to teach her piano and get her a kitten and himself a puppy once he was released. Those were the days she kissed him hardest, trying with her lips to make him stay, make him get better. Trying to remind him who he truly was.
It never worked, of course. And Alice was left with a husband (they’d never gotten married officially, but she insisted everyone call her Mrs. Van Dort anyway) wrapped in a too-tight straitjacket, and a heart that broke every single week. She was the reason he was here. She didn’t deserve to be anywhere near him.
But she’d stay with him, just the same.
-Muses: . . . .-
Yeaaah. This is what happens if Victor DOESN'T win the fight with the King of Hearts at the end of "The Solicitor's Ward." Locked up in Rutledge for God knows how long. I knew the instant I saw the prompt I'd be doing something with Victor and straitjackets -- the rest of the fic quickly followed. This is one of two fics that didn't get a first draft on paper ("Perfect Blue," the first one I posted, is the other) -- I wrote it one weekend freehand. It probably shows a little.
-VD2: I think we need to put a moratorium on you writing asylum fics altogether!-
-D: Why THIS, of all things?-
I had the angst bunnies that weekend! Plus I felt I ought to do one story showing the way things could have turned out. If it makes you feel any better, Victor's relatively well-treated in the asylum.
-M2: No offense to TeenDoc and Tie-Twister, but IT'S THE 1870S.-
Yeah, I know. Hence the "relatively."
-VD: Why on earth is Alice blaming herself?-
Because she took him to Wonderland. It has to do with how the Queen is a version of Alice. Alice, as a child, liked to pretend to be two people (it's mentioned in the original books), so I came up with a theory that the Queen of Hearts is a natural extension of this in Wonderland. And the King of Hearts is whoever Alice loves or cares about deeply at the time. The old King of Hearts was a mix of Alice's father (no, no Jocasta complexes here, or whatever you call them) and her little kid crush, Reginald Hargreaves (the name of the guy whom the REAL Alice married). As mentioned previously, he died to save the Queen, and didn't get remade in Wonderland until Alice fell in love again -- with Victor. When Victor entered Wonderland, the King of Hearts was essentially reborn inside him. Unfortunately, much like the Queen attached herself to Alice's insanity, the King attaches himself to the closest analog in Victor's mind -- which turns out to be a rather deep sense of self-loathing. Hence why Victor's trying to kill himself in his fits -- he's constantly hearing a voice inside his head putting him down and telling him he's worthless.
-M: *soft* Harsh.-
Yeah. The creepy thing is, the King is a rather amiable guy as long as you're not Victor. He fights on the side of good in "The Solicitor's Ward." Victor just has to get him under control afterwards so the guy isn't driving him insane. This Victor didn't.
-VDM: Um -- isn't hating the guy you're attached to and trying to get him to kill himself kind of -- stupid?-
Never stopped the Queen of Hearts. Anyway, yeah, this is easily the darkest of all the 30 Kisses fics. The rest of them go back to mostly light and happy. Rejoice!
-HD: *grumble* You'd BETTER have some happy.-
There will be happy, I promise. Also, one last note about the title -- it's another jukebox one, from the song of the same name. The song has NOTHING to do with the story, I just thought it sounded appropriate.
Annd on that lovely note, I really ought to hit the sheets.
