Sooo -- Story?

I may have mentioned that I wrote another Victor/Alice brief-fic a little while ago, and that I needed to whip it into shape. Well, it's kind of refusing to be whipped.
-VD2: Why?-
I don't know! I get the feeling it needs some editing, but my brain has either gone on vacation or just refuses to deal with this particular story. Come on, head, it's only about four paragraphs!
-DW: I can tell you what's wrong -- the plotbunnies for Secundus. They're probably taking up a lot of your brainpower.-
This may be true. Why did I have to come up with my NaNo so early this year? (And why can't I complete either of my other ones? That contest does bad things to me.)
Anyway, since I can't figure it out, I figured maybe one of you could. Here's the story in its current form. What do you think?
( Poetry )

So, yeah, have at it. Good? Bad? Indifferent?