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crossover_chickRemember Chapter 3 of "Forgetting You?" Someone commented that, while she enjoyed the chapter, she felt a little disconnected from Wonderland because so much of the beginning was written in flashback. While she also mentioned that changing it for one person would be a dumb idea, I'm having some issues with Chapter 5 -- it's a real problem chapter for me -- so I decided to rewrite the beginning to show Alice falling into Wonderland directly. I guess I'm hoping it would provide me with some inspiration. Here's what I came up with -- would you guys prefer Chapter 3 start with something like this, rather than the "Alice reflecting" that made up a good chunk of the beginning of the original?
It was – horrible and disgusting and somehow breathtaking up here.
Alice lingered on the little wooden bridge between rooftops, staring out at the deep oranges and smoky greys of the London skyline. You could taste the smog up here, its smoky scent working its way into your clothes and leaving a thin film of grime on every surface. It was enough to make even the most dedicated proponent of the Industrial Revolution long for the days before coal and steam.
And yet, it was impossible to deny that the various fumes really did bring out the colors in the late-afternoon sky. Rich reds, blazing oranges, deep greens. . . . Progress not only brought jobs and goods, it also brought some delightful sunsets. About the only thing you can say for this ugly city, Alice thought, leaning on the railing. Her gaze shifted to the left, to where Nurse Witless was tossing some moldy old breadcrumbs to her pigeons. And speaking of ugly things. . . .
She couldn’t say why she’d followed the old bint up here. Maybe it had been the impossible-to-squash hope that Witless might let slip, deliberately or accidentally, whose burrow her beloved rabbit was currently hiding in. Maybe it had been her need to be around someone whom she knew was real, as opposed to legions of Jabberwock-headed men with grasping hands and fiery eyes. Maybe it was simply because she hadn’t really felt like going to the chemist to fetch pills that barely did a lick of good. Whatever the reason, it was now lost, crushed under the heavy weight of her frustration. Why did Witless constantly string her on like this? Was the few pounds she got from Alice for keeping her mouth shut about what Alice had said (and oh, why had her younger self not learned to be silent earlier?) really worth it? Did she have a deeper, more sinister purpose in mind?
No, this is Witless, Alice reminded herself, completing her journey across the bridge to the old woman. She can’t see beyond her next bottle of beer. If she has a sinister plan, it’s a surprise even to her. She frowned at Witless’s back. On the other hand, I wouldn’t put it past her to mean me ill. She was released from her position about the same time I was released from my cell. I wonder. . . . “Nurse Witless, do you mean to harm me?” she asked, folding her arms. “To send me back to the asylum?” Witless wouldn’t take any offense at her being blunt. And there was a chance the witch would just go ahead and be honest back, which would allow Alice to figure out a way of dealing with her. The awful thought of Victor could probably pay her enough to leave me alone forever slipped into her head, and was immediately evicted. Victor got into enough trouble on his own in this horrible city. She wasn’t inviting more onto his head. Witless was her problem to solve, and hers alone.
“I won’t say no,” Witless said vaguely, scattering the last of her crumbs across the old concrete of her roof. “I’ve a thirst you could photograph.”
Alice was about to say something along the lines of, “Then why don’t you bother someone with a camera for your pay?” when – out of nowhere –
A pair of tiny wings tore out of the back of Witless’s dress. “Need a drink,” the old nurse went on, but her voice was strange and distorted and getting more masculine and familiar all the time – “More than my whistle needs wetting!”
And then she turned, but it wasn’t Witless anymore. Alice found herself staring at the jaws that bite and the claws that catch and the eyes of flame, blazing with a hatred hotter and stronger than even the furnace that had powered him the last time they had met. No, she thought in terror as the Jabberwock advanced on her with a roar. No, please, not again, not again. . . .
As she backed away, holding up her hands in useless defense, a flash of blue light caught her eye. Looking down, she found herself suddenly surrounded by a web of cracks, all emitting an eerie glow. And then the roof gave way beneath her feet, and she was falling. . .
. . .Down a hole of muted rainbow fog, swirling around her as she tumbled head over heels. As she straightened out, she saw chairs, clocks, playing cards, and other fiddly little bits of household civilization floating about her. That was normal enough, she remembered that from the first time. . .but then the fog faded, replaced by tunnel of corroded pipes and hideous doll faces, all staring at her with eyeless malice. Now what were those horrid things doing on her fall to –
Blue sky opened up beneath her, and with a jolt Alice remembered what had happened on her last trip to this place. Oh no, she thought with a little shake of her head. I am not making my grand entrance by falling on my arse in a plot of mushrooms! If we’re going to do this, we’re going to do it properly! She flipped herself over so she was falling feet-first. Then she closed her eyes and took a deep breath, focusing all her thoughts on how she should look upon arrival.
A massive blast of energy exploded out from her body. Her hair grew long and silky, her skin took on a healthy glow, and her dingy black and white dress was replaced by a vivid blue gown. Beware, all those who would threaten my mind, she thought as she drifted down from the sky.
Wonderland’s savior has returned.
I hope you enjoy! Those of you in the same area of impact as me, stay safe! Those of you not, count your blessings!
Those of you in the middle of summer, I kind of hate you! XD
It was – horrible and disgusting and somehow breathtaking up here.
Alice lingered on the little wooden bridge between rooftops, staring out at the deep oranges and smoky greys of the London skyline. You could taste the smog up here, its smoky scent working its way into your clothes and leaving a thin film of grime on every surface. It was enough to make even the most dedicated proponent of the Industrial Revolution long for the days before coal and steam.
And yet, it was impossible to deny that the various fumes really did bring out the colors in the late-afternoon sky. Rich reds, blazing oranges, deep greens. . . . Progress not only brought jobs and goods, it also brought some delightful sunsets. About the only thing you can say for this ugly city, Alice thought, leaning on the railing. Her gaze shifted to the left, to where Nurse Witless was tossing some moldy old breadcrumbs to her pigeons. And speaking of ugly things. . . .
She couldn’t say why she’d followed the old bint up here. Maybe it had been the impossible-to-squash hope that Witless might let slip, deliberately or accidentally, whose burrow her beloved rabbit was currently hiding in. Maybe it had been her need to be around someone whom she knew was real, as opposed to legions of Jabberwock-headed men with grasping hands and fiery eyes. Maybe it was simply because she hadn’t really felt like going to the chemist to fetch pills that barely did a lick of good. Whatever the reason, it was now lost, crushed under the heavy weight of her frustration. Why did Witless constantly string her on like this? Was the few pounds she got from Alice for keeping her mouth shut about what Alice had said (and oh, why had her younger self not learned to be silent earlier?) really worth it? Did she have a deeper, more sinister purpose in mind?
No, this is Witless, Alice reminded herself, completing her journey across the bridge to the old woman. She can’t see beyond her next bottle of beer. If she has a sinister plan, it’s a surprise even to her. She frowned at Witless’s back. On the other hand, I wouldn’t put it past her to mean me ill. She was released from her position about the same time I was released from my cell. I wonder. . . . “Nurse Witless, do you mean to harm me?” she asked, folding her arms. “To send me back to the asylum?” Witless wouldn’t take any offense at her being blunt. And there was a chance the witch would just go ahead and be honest back, which would allow Alice to figure out a way of dealing with her. The awful thought of Victor could probably pay her enough to leave me alone forever slipped into her head, and was immediately evicted. Victor got into enough trouble on his own in this horrible city. She wasn’t inviting more onto his head. Witless was her problem to solve, and hers alone.
“I won’t say no,” Witless said vaguely, scattering the last of her crumbs across the old concrete of her roof. “I’ve a thirst you could photograph.”
Alice was about to say something along the lines of, “Then why don’t you bother someone with a camera for your pay?” when – out of nowhere –
A pair of tiny wings tore out of the back of Witless’s dress. “Need a drink,” the old nurse went on, but her voice was strange and distorted and getting more masculine and familiar all the time – “More than my whistle needs wetting!”
And then she turned, but it wasn’t Witless anymore. Alice found herself staring at the jaws that bite and the claws that catch and the eyes of flame, blazing with a hatred hotter and stronger than even the furnace that had powered him the last time they had met. No, she thought in terror as the Jabberwock advanced on her with a roar. No, please, not again, not again. . . .
As she backed away, holding up her hands in useless defense, a flash of blue light caught her eye. Looking down, she found herself suddenly surrounded by a web of cracks, all emitting an eerie glow. And then the roof gave way beneath her feet, and she was falling. . .
. . .Down a hole of muted rainbow fog, swirling around her as she tumbled head over heels. As she straightened out, she saw chairs, clocks, playing cards, and other fiddly little bits of household civilization floating about her. That was normal enough, she remembered that from the first time. . .but then the fog faded, replaced by tunnel of corroded pipes and hideous doll faces, all staring at her with eyeless malice. Now what were those horrid things doing on her fall to –
Blue sky opened up beneath her, and with a jolt Alice remembered what had happened on her last trip to this place. Oh no, she thought with a little shake of her head. I am not making my grand entrance by falling on my arse in a plot of mushrooms! If we’re going to do this, we’re going to do it properly! She flipped herself over so she was falling feet-first. Then she closed her eyes and took a deep breath, focusing all her thoughts on how she should look upon arrival.
A massive blast of energy exploded out from her body. Her hair grew long and silky, her skin took on a healthy glow, and her dingy black and white dress was replaced by a vivid blue gown. Beware, all those who would threaten my mind, she thought as she drifted down from the sky.
Wonderland’s savior has returned.
I hope you enjoy! Those of you in the same area of impact as me, stay safe! Those of you not, count your blessings!
Those of you in the middle of summer, I kind of hate you! XD
